Prayer and Work

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

2009-07-28T20:27:00.000-07:00

Lots of well-wishes and "goodbye's" today, even though I was barely around the parish for people to do so! I went to the food pantry in the morning, visited Mary Anne Kufner in the afternoon, and went to bingo in the evening. Anne wished me good luck, Darlis made sure the whole bingo hall gave me a round of applause of appreciation, and Marge and Krista gave me a card with a monetary gift, as well - I'll probably return the money if I get the chance tomorrow.

It's unbearably hot tonight (by my standards, anyway), so I'm gonna end this blog tonight - and forever - quickly and efficiently. Dear Lord, thank You for the summer of prayer and work that has brought me ever closer to You. May the memories I have, the friends I've made, and the love that You have shared with me through the people of this parish remain as a reminder to me of the unceasing and boundless love you have for me. May I always be an instrument of that love you share with the world through Your Son, Christ Jesus, who lives and reigns with You, Father, and the Holy Spirit, one God, FOREVER AND EVER, AMEN!

Monday, July 27, 2009

2009-07-27T18:49:00.000-07:00

A rather shocking amount of mail was delivered from the school to the rectory by yours truly; Marge, Christa, and Mrs. McCue are already preparing for the coming school year! I can't believe it's less than a month before the kids are all back; too bad I won't be around for the fun, as I'll be back in school, myself. GRRRRRRrrrrr...

Marge and Christa also somehow knew I was leaving this Wednesday. They thanked me for my help around the office and wished me well. It's so strange having to say "goodbye" to everyone! I wonder how the Bingo crowd will treat me tomorrow...

I went back to St. Peter's today and met a friend of mine who also happens to be one of my on-again, off-again followers of this blog! Tim, if you're reading this (is there any question that you eventually will?), thanks for your prayers and ESPECIALLY for your commentary! I'm glad that somebody is finding something worthwhile to glean from the records of my spiritual endeavors of the past summer!

Dinner tonight was truly something else; Anne tells me tomorrow's should be something even better. I ate so much that, for the first time in my tenure at St. Ben's, I was UNABLE to finish the dessert entree (brownie pie...YUM!). Fr. Beaven, whose dietary restrictions prevent him from eating such delectable decadent delicacies, was visibly longing that he could have finished off what I had left behind. Another cross for him to bear, I guess.

Lord, bless Fr. Beaven and all your priests, that they may be the "alter Christus" they have been ordained to be. Grant that I may, too, one day, join their ranks, if it is your will, that I may follow You forever in a particularly Christ-like way. Whatever your will is for my life, let me never be so anxious that I may overlook the gifts you have given to me or the people you have placed in my life to both aid me in my journey (and them in their own personal conversion) to You. Through Jesus, my Savior and best friend. Amen!

Sunday, July 26, 2009

2009-07-26T18:43:00.000-07:00

Well, today was my last Sunday at St. Ben's, and looks like it somehow got leaked to everyone in the parish, as a parishioner I never met before greeted me after mass thanking me for everything I had done over the summer. Very gratifying, but also kinda frightening. How the heck do these people figure these things out so fast? Deacon Phil, Rahul, and

Lunch with Kyle, Bernie, Luciano, Anne (a parishioner I hadn't met until today, but one with whom I had delightful conversations with). I also met Levi, Luciano's friend and roommate, who is, wouldn't you know, quite the accomplished vocalist. I got something of a headache after lunch, so Luciano dropped me off at St. Ben's at about 4-ish. I managed to get in about 45 min. - 1 hr. worth of sleep, but I'm still feeling a bit "out of it."

Anyhoo, news blurb of the day: apparently someone at the high school here is trying to get the rights for the students to perform "Chicago."

And I thought Notre Dame/Obama was scandalous.

In all seriousness, I hope THAT rumor, if it's true, spreads faster than the news of my imminent departure from St. Ben's. The high school here, low on enrollment and funds as it is, does not need a stunt like this to attract negative attention. How about putting on a play that actually reflects the integrity of a Catholic institution? It's pretty clear that a play condoning murder, prostitution, and other evils that even secular society finds abhorrent is NOT something Catholic teenagers should be performing.

Jesus, don't let my pride overcome my love for you. AMEN!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

2009-07-25T19:10:00.000-07:00

Slow week, to be sure. Confession at St. Peter's was wonderful, though I fear (should I really "fear" meeting the Lord in the Sacrament of Confession, or any Sacrament for that matter?) I may have to visit sooner rather than later.

I'm actually quite positive my necessary visit has something to do with the lack of work I've had. Even with a funeral this week, there's something about lonely rectory living that fosters sin, especially sins of impurity. I've written before about how I couldn't understand how the priests here managed to do it; even without the danger of sin, loneliness is, well, LONELY. As an introvert, I appreciate my "alone time," but the amount of time Fr. Beaven and Fr. Steve spend/spent alone here shocked me! When you add the danger of sin to mix, well...not cool. NOT cool!

Anyway, beyond that lovely little anecdote/reflection, I've been doing the normal routine of praying, reading, working, and playing. Hard to believe that as of this coming Monday I will have been at St. Ben's for 11 weeks! Incredible! I remember telling Luciano and the choir members that I was moving out on Wednesday. They seemed genuinely sad that I was leaving! Hopefully it's not patronizing; just like Anne, the rectory cook, they also asked if I'd show up on the odd Sunday here or there. Naturally, I said yes, as I have EVERY intention of coming back to St. Ben's in the future, both near and far.

Pray for me, everyone! I need it, especially as this internship (and, consequentially, this blog) comes to its end...as all things inevitably do, in God's good time. Lord, protect me! AMEN!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

2009-07-21T20:22:00.000-07:00

Pretty much the opposite of yesterday. Busy, busy, busy. I pushed myself to the food pantry to find a food delivery of gargantuan proportions; Scott, the director of the pantry, said that he hadn't seen so much food in that little pantry in months.

As if the food shipment alone did discourage me (I DID NOT want to be around there past noon), I was put on "apple duty" - placing apples in wired baskets. Sounds easy enough, but it wasn't long before the apples were tumbling out of the baskets onto the floor (the baskets were placed in an slightly inverted position, so I had to be careful not to overstock them all). I'd estimate that this went on for a good hour; thank God that other volunteers showed up (including two St. Ben's parishioners: one regular morning mass attendee, as well as another frequent Bingo-goer). Despite my own incompetence and the colossal amounts of food, we finished shelving everything by 20 to 12! A new record!

I had made an appointment with Mary Anne Kufner for about 2 PM, so I got myself a little hydration and finished off that dratted final paper for this internship. Glad to have that off my chest!

Mary Anne Kufner was all smiles today, as usual. Though initially I was a little more impatient than I should have been, at some point things kinda picked up and we had another illuminating conversation about God that I really can't hope to summarize in this blog, either in one entry or in a series of entries. Suffice it to say that I am glad I have her praying for me. I actually was nearly in tears when I left; she gave me a little book of "minute meditations" from the Popes (PERFECT for me and my 2-second attention span that is just too typical for my generation!). She even told me about a special way to get a plenary indulgence: on your birthday, pray the meditation in the booklet that is listed for the date of your baptism. Beautiful. And if that wasn't enough, she gave me $10 and told me to say my first mass for her (I then asked for her label-maker so that I could put a sticker on the Hamilton to remind me what it was for!). God willing...I will do exactly that. Now, to actually make it through the next 6 years of seminary...

Dinner was fantastic, as usual; the brownies I had for dessert made me nostalgic for the "Mr. Schuman" brownies every Quigley student knows so well. :) To top it off, I finally made up my mind to go to Bingo after a quick e-mail exchange - and it turns out I was needed tonight more than ever! God works in mysterious ways, indeed, indeed. If I manage to make it to adoration tomorrow, I might something more insightful to say on that topic. For now, though, Lord, just guide me through the dark night to the morning light. AMEN

Monday, July 20, 2009

2009-07-20T18:49:00.000-07:00

SLOW Monday. Mass @ 8:30, as usual, but knowing full well that absolutely nothing was happening anywhere around the parish today, I decided to have breakfast at McDonald's (which is also conveniently close to a Gamestop where I could pick up a birthday present for my brother, Martin, whose birthday is in just two weeks!). Sadly, I overspent, overate, and bought myself a game along with my brother's gift; I was determined to avoid all three of those little temptations, so I was a little disheartened to say the least. On the other hand, I have yet to play video games today; I spent the rest of the morning and the early afternoon writing a paper for school (and doing a little too much web-surfing, though less than I usually do when I've got homework on my hands!), and I spent the early afternoon reading. I did my usual "holy hour" during the Hour of Mercy, and I spent some time in the evening working a bit more on my paper, since there's no meeting tonight to speak of. I DID have the intention of speaking to Steven, the St. Benedict high school's very own receptionist (and son of the Protestant maintenance man!), but as Providence would have it, I spent a good chunk of time talking to Ann, the cook. More theology/social commentary from both of us. Sadly, I wasn't able to talk to Steven before he left, but alas, as the Jesuits say, Ad majorem Dei gloriam. All things for the greater glory of God. ALWAYS!

Tomorrow should be a little more lively if only because of my evening plans; either I go to bingo (as per my usual routine), or I accept Kyle's invite to go to St. MAry of the Angels for an evening of recollection. I actually like the latter idea more, and I don't think the folks at Bingo truly need me there, but I can't help but wonder that I'm doing too much of the "recollection" type of prayer as it is. I spend quite a bit of time in prayer and spiritual reading, but very little in ministry now that things have slowed down so much (though, on the other hand, with the food pantry being open tomorrow, I'll at least have recourse to that in the morning). Fr. Ted Ross told us seminarians on our retreat in January that we risk losing our faith if we don't exercise it. He told us the story of a young Jesuit who, despite spending hours in prayer, was beginning to suffer severe doubts about the Divinity of Christ. The solution? "Go volunteer with the Little Sisters of the poor." Problem solved.

So what was the problem there (and here with me right now)? Faith is, as the great Mark Shea says, incarnational. Faith without works is dead. Whatever happened to Jesus' commandment at the ascension to "go out to the all the world," and all the jazz? Maybe if I spent a little more time in true sacrificial ministry, I'd learn a little more about the authentic meaning of the priesthood in the process.

On the other hand, I've done bingo for just about every week I've been here; most of the time I'm either chit-chatting or handing out prize money. It's not that I dislike it or even resent it, it's just that it's completely familiar territory where "sacrificial ministry" is there in a rather vague sense.

It's all in God's hands, though. That's the number one thing I gotta keep in mind as my internship draws to a close. He died for me, rose from the dead, and is in in heaven eternally. Why the heck am I worried about petty little decisions like this?

Dear Lord, may my hope in You never waver. AMEN!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

2009-07-19T18:49:00.000-07:00

Well, it was the usual Sunday, minus me actually serving a mass for a change. I gotta admit, I KINDA only did it because I didn't want to sing (we had a visiting choir member who just kinda...overshadowed me, I guess?) and with no servers in sight, I figured I might as well put that cassock and dirty surplus to good use. Oh, and it was used, all right: one of the buttons fell off when I was putting it away after mass, meaning that I'll have to bring it to the tailor's as well as the dry cleaners' now.

I had a good breakfast with Luciano, a nice chat with Deacon Phil, and a fairly prayerful afternoon. My initial dissatisfaction with Fr. Beaven's homily (using the gospel as an excuse to tell people to "relax" seems a bit farfetched, don't you?) reached its peak when Fr. Jim from St. Mary of the Lake giving a similar homily at the 6:30 RCYA mass; after struggling with scrupulosity all afternoon during prayer (should I or should I not go to Laboure House? Have I spent too much of the Lord's Day glorifying myself on Xbox LIVE rather than glorifying God? Should I write that e-mail, or should it wait?) well, I was about ready to wring the necks of both of them.

Then it hit me: I'm a spiritual "prayer-aholic." In my quest to make sure that I'm thoroughly detached from all worldly things, I've forgotten that some good ol' fashioned R&R is what's prescribed as part of the 3rd Commandment. Instead of saying an additional Divine Mercy Chaplet, I went over to the tabernacle and just...sat there. I think it's exactly what I needed.

Sometimes I think I take St. Paul's admonition to "stay sober and alert" to be an excuse to think I can "climb a spiritual stepladder of good deeds" to heaven. This is, obviously, contrary to Catholic teaching (and exactly the kind of false work-based soteriology that Protestants accuse Catholics of believing all the time). Bored as I am right now (it's just about 9:00 PM as I type this), it is, at the very least, a good thing if I've got time to spare, especially on a Sunday afternoon. All the more time to quietly and peacefully give to God the glory and the honor and the power he rightly and justly deserves. To Him, the only One who actually deserves to be identified with such magnanimous adjectives - To Him be honor, glory, and power forever and ever. AMEN! St. Benedict, ORA PRO NOBIS!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

2009-07-18T18:46:00.000-07:00

So Friday was technically my last day of paid internship here at St. Ben's, meaning that I could move out and screw around for the rest of summer without any repurcussions. Knowing that I have absolutely nothing worthwhile planned for the rest of the summer, though, and knowing full well that St. Ben's (maybe just rectory living in general?) keeps me on my toes, spiritually speaking, I'm sticking it out for another two weeks. Fr. Beaven has given his approval, so I'm good to go!

Didn't write an entry for Thursday, obviously, which really is inexcusable. Apologies for shirking that duty, everyone. Today's entry will cover a bit of that day AND today - how's that for compensation?

The thing is, I don't really have much to say about Thursday; I did my first Communion Service (think Mass without any consecration/orans prayer positions and/or gestures), and despite my attempts to keep myself calm throughout the duration of the service, the organist at the nursing home told me multiple times to "keep me cool." Best advice a Lutheran has ever given me!

Friday was my day off, and, as usual, being away from the rectory made me realize just how much I depend upon easy access to the Blessed Sacrament for my prayer life. Whether it's my brothers begging me to play video games or my dad asking for help around the house, I find precious little time to pray during my days off, and I usually oversleep to the point where I miss daily mass, too. At least I didn't forget to say the Liturgy of the Hours!

Today was slightly busier, though, with another Committal in the late morning and the usual 5:00PM mass in the evening. I talked with John Eckhardt again; turns out my hunch wasn't far off; not only is he from a Protestant background, he's STILL Protestant. He DID, however, mention that his son, Christopher (who I had given a Quigley Scholars brochure at 8th grade graduation in May), was certainly someone who would at least give the program a look-see, as it were. W00T! Praised be Jesus Christ, now and forever!

Luciano was busy tonight, so I've been at the rectory by myself for the evening; no "night on the town" this weekend, I'm afraid. Ces't le vi. Talking to the Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion after mass was a delightful and enlightening experience I probably wouldn't have had otherwise, anyway.

Dear Lord, may allmy days be filled with Your finest blessings as You see fit to grant them. Feed me with Your Son's body and blood all the days of my life so that I may only rely on Your love. May the Eucharist, the foretaste of heaven, guide me to You in heaven one day. AMEN!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

2009-07-15T20:39:00.000-07:00

Got back to St. Ben's at about 10:00 AM this morning - it was just enough time to shower and get on the "black" to don my cassock in the sacristy later. The funeral today was scheduled for 10:30AM, meaning that I didn't have much time to dilly-dally; as it turned out, I was ready with enough time to spare, but I misheard Mike O'Malley and Fr. Egan (the visiting priest who was saying the funeral mass) in the sacristy; I thought they had both lectors and cantors with them, and alas, Luciano was caught all by his lonesome for the opening song. I managed to cantor for the rest of the mass, though Fr. Egan needed my help come communion time. Not a problem, of course, but I still wish I had managed to clear this stuff ahead of time. I don't do well with surprises.

As it turned out, the committal was a wash; the burial isn't until next week (?!?!?!), so I was free immediately following the mass. I did some reading, praying, and some video gaming in the afternoon, and after dinner (Anne really outdid herself tonight with the mac and cheese! YUM!), I had managed to drag myself away from my Xbox long enough to check out what I THOUGHT was a Theology on Tap session in the high school. Alas, I got caught by Draydyne along the way, and before I knew it, I was unlocking the church for a visiting Ohio family (and a very devout one at that! They asked me if I knew any Toledo seminarians! Matthew Frisbee, if you are reading this, Tammy says hi!). It turns out there wasn't any Theology on Tap tonight, anyway, so I guess I'll chalk up tonight as another example of God's little ways of grace working in and through the minutiae of day-to-day living. With my first "official" communion service tomorrow (here's hoping the scripture reflection I wrote does the job!), I'll need to catch up on the sleep I missed last night (Harry Potter is worth missing sleep over, but getting only 4.5 hours or so just doesn't cut it for the this 20 year-old seminarian). I did have plans to play a bit of HALO online with some friends, but perhaps that should wait...

Dear Father, don't let me forsake you in the name of convenience, "fun," or anything else I do or happen across in my life. Let my every action proclaim your glory forever and ever. AMEN!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

2009-07-14T20:16:00.000-07:00

So I woke up late (again), in part because I was tired/lazy, and in part because I knew the funeral and committal immediately following wouldn't demand that I be ready to go by my usual 7:15 AM rise-and-shine routine. Instead, I basically did what Idid on Sunday: sleep in till about 10 to 8, then shower, make the bed, have breakfast, say morning prayer/Office, etc. Despite what I thought would be more than ample time to get ready for the day ahead (I had a communion visit with Mary Anne Kufner after the committal today), I STILL had barely enough time to vest into my cassock and surplus. Fr. Beaven wanted me to lector, and Luciano wanted me to cantor. All of it came so quickly! Under different circumstances I probably would've wanted to duck out and run away!

By the grace of God, I got through the mass without a hitch, and the committal went as well as could be expected (as usual, my cassock and collar led the attendees to call me "Father" after the ceremony - makes me wonder if I'm getting too close to the whole "impediment to orders" thing). To top it off, my cassock REALLY needs to get to the dry-cleaners; there's a nasty stain on it, and the thought of doing another committal tomorrow is really kind of off-putting. I skipped out on the lunch the funeral party offered (I didn't want to go under any circumstance, but it helped to have a decent excuse) to take some time to change and clean it a bit; I went to good ol' Chicago Joe's for lunch, then went to visit Mary Anne Kufner for her weekly time with the Lord. She wanted some help with her computer, too - I'm not much with that kinda "techy" stuff, but I did try my utmost to get that darned USB drive to work. Ah well.

It was after 4PM by the time I got back, so my usual 3PM holy hour was delayed a bit; since I didn't bother to try to get into the church or chapel, I nearly fell asleep in the middle of my rosary. Note to any and all aspirant prayer warriors: stick to your scheduled prayer commitments as much as possible. It doesn't help to make things "easier" on yourself by skimping on your daily time with Christ; au contraire, it just means you'll have a harder time doing everything else. I found that out when I tried to check my e-mail after dinner. It quickly turned into blogging/facebooking, news reading, and everything else. Fortunately I ran downstairs in time (after realizing I wa 30 minutes late for bingo) to see Fr. Steve (AGAIN!). We chatted with Anne, the rectory cook, for a good 30 minutes. Anne and I also had a nice chat about various topics (including theology! Hooray! I have someone else besides John and Kyle to talk theology with!); I'm glad she's had the gumption to broach the subject. I like to talk about it, I really do!

Bingo was fun, but Harry Potter tonight should be even better (3 1/2 stars in the Trib, for anyone who cares about the reviews)! Midnight debuts are not exactly my kinda thang, but I'll make an exemption for Harry Potter, especially considering I'll be able to meet up with some Loyola friends who are eager (I think?) to hear what's going on at St. Benedict. Pray for me everyone!

O God, I am heartfully sorry for having offended you, and I detest all my sins, because of your just punishments, But most of all, because I have offended you, my God, who are all good and deserving of ALL my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Your grace, to avoid the near occasion of sin. AMEN!

Monday, July 13, 2009

2009-07-13T18:48:00.001-07:00

Well, today was fairly uneventful. In fact, if it weren't for the fact that I spent so much time writing up a reflection for a communion service I'm doing at a nursing home come Friday, I wouldn't have done much minstry-related activities at all. I saw Alex, a discerning young man at the parish who wants to start a religious community (After meeting him at Benfest, I told him that he's free to talk to me after mass or contact me at the rectory. Neither happened today, which is fine. I just hope he wasn't planning to talk to me only to have me disappear before he was finished praying!)

I also talked to John Eckhardt, one of the maintenance guys over here at St. Ben's (we've got quite a few of 'em here on the block!). He's always happy to entertain philosophical and theological conversations; today we had a short but sweet follow-up talk about death and purgatory (we spoke about soteriology briefly at Benfest). I get the sense that John is of a protestant background; I here little "hints" of sola scriptura and sola fide whenever I talk to him. I may ask him about that before I leave in the coming weeks.

I still can't believe my internship is over this week! It feels all at once like I just started yesterday AND as if I've been here my whole life. I'm glad Fr. Beaven's letting me stick around for a couple of extra weeks; I'll appreciate the "cool-down" after the tumultuous schedule I'm in for these coming days (two more gravesite committals and a communion service, not to mention a visit to a homebound parishioner!). Pray for me, everyone! I need it!

On a side note, I finally set up Xbox LIVE today! It works perfectly well with the St. Ben's wifi network, for which I am, needless to say, quite grateful. Only problem? Even with the prayer and fasting and working I did before I started, I STILL found myself thoroughly frustrated when my playtime was interrupted by a phone call and then later by dinner. Heck, one of the reasons I'm writing this entry earlier than usual is so that I can spend some time perusing through the confines of the Xbox LIVE community(ies)...perhaps it should be foregone for some spiritual reading instead. Then again, I only get the Gold membership for LIVE for so long without a fee...St. Isidore, pray for me! All you saints in heaven, pray for me! All you members of the church militant and church triumphant, pray for me! Mary, mother of God and mother of the church, pray for me! AMEN!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

2009-07-12T19:17:00.000-07:00

I'm tempted to make this entry the "Discernment Diary: Post-Benfest Edition" post, but after all the kerfuffel and craziness (both organizational and spiritual!), I doubt I could really type something that could adequately describe the various goings-on of those two days. I did manage to write a bit in a private journal, so I'm content with knowing that I did everything my class obligates me to do. Ces't le vi.

I woke up at 7:50 or so today and didn't get to mass until the closing song...or rather, right before it, where a pro-life missionary from Crossroads was giving a quick talk. I couldn't believe that I didn't know they were coming beforehand...it happened to coincide with the parish sparechange/baby bottle collection fundraiser for WomenCare, so they picked a good day. Holy Spirit in action, anyone? I think so. I made sure to write a prayer intention or two in their prayer journal they use as they trek across America as pro-life witnesses. More spiritual support for priests and seminarians (including yours truly, O Lord!) incoming! And just in time for the year of the priest, too! w00t!

Coming back from retreat and Benfest left me without my usual access to internet, news commentary, video games, etc. I managed to catch up a bit on that this afternoon, but I deliberately held off on it until after I had spent the afternoon over at Luciano's to see 4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days, a Romanian film (and a critically lauded one at that!) that depicts...abortion. In retrospect, that was quite the "theme" of today for me. Shame I binged on pizza at the Ravenswood Catholic social after the 6:30 mass today...but I did get to chat with Kyle, and, as I told him I would, his blog is *officially* added to my blogroll. I will not lie in saying that I very much hope he does the same. MY worry? That he's the first St. Ben's parishioner to come across this blog. There's stuff in here about him and many others that...well, let's just say it's probably not the kind of stuff I'd say out loud outside of a fairly private setting. I do my best to keep this blog as if it WERE a diary (as impossible as that is both practically and "spiritually," for lack of a better term). The mission of this blog is as stated, and I hope it accomplishes just that. God Bless everyone who reads this blog, and, as Fr. Beaven said today in his homily, may it, like all things, work to bring God glory. AMEN!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

2009-07-07T20:08:00.000-07:00

Food pantry was BUSY today! I'm surprised that I got out of there by 10 after 12! I though I'd be in there until 1 or later!

Lots of people at the pantry, too, most of whom area jobless and are looking for something to do. A few instances arose where my humility was tested, too, but obviosuly, that's all for the better. I managed to extend my holy hour a bit, too. All for the greater glory of God!

Bingo was particularly tiresome today. I fear that my "fast" prior to the retreat is demonstrating to others just how addicted I am to the comforts of life; I think I'm suffering withdrawal from games, the internet, news, something...maybe all three. It's strange, because I've gone without all three for long stretches of time before, without any noticeable "withdrawal" side-effects. It's especially strange considering all the extra sleep I got last night...or does that have something to do with it?

Dear Lord, may I always do what you want, when you want, because you want it. Grant me peace in doing this and everlasting joy as my eternal reward. May my retreat during the coming few days be filled with your abundant blessings. Through Christ, my Lord, AMEN!

Monday, July 6, 2009

2009-07-06T19:24:00.000-07:00

Benfest meeting tonight; there's no "calm before the storm" here, folks, that's for sure. I talked to Mrs. Marge this morning about the volunteer situation; she was confident that she had someone scheduled for nearly every shift. That is NOT the impression I got at tonight's meeting, and I'm only disappointed that I couldn't be of more help to Draydyne and the others whoare pulling their hair out trying to sort this out. Deacon Phil asked if I was learning anything (Fr. Beaven wasn't at the meeting tonight). I'm learning how to NOT freak out, NOT run meetings, and NOT stress (thanks Carla!). To top it off, Fr. Steve STILL isn't moved out of here yet. Incredible!

This morning I had a short talk with Fr. Beaven about the EMHCs purifying sacred vessels. This quickly led to him divulging his other opinions about liturgy and other church teachings (here's a hint, without being too calumnous: he's not all that "hardcore" about church teaching on burying people in the ground). At least Celeste was pleased to have actually made it to mass.

I made it to Gamestop AGAIN today; the wireless adapter is finally mine! Now, if only I could find time to set it up...not likely, given the situation of this week (retreat + Benfest). We'll see.

I spent most of the day working on my talk/presentation for the retreat, though I did manage to visit Mary Anne Kufner again. After all the meditation I did yesterday, I wasn't going to let this opportunity slide me by! Too many good things come out of these visits to simply neglect them!

I ate dinner alone at the rectory for the first time tonight. Anne made some great pasta, though, as always.

Dear Lord, help me to only do what You want and need me to do throughout the course of the day. Let me not become proud and arrogant over having accomplished many things throughout the day, but let my weakness be Your strength. Give me courage, grant me wisdom, and above all, bestow upon me a loving heart so that I may be that which You created me to be. AMEN!

Sunday, July 5, 2009

2009-07-05T20:41:00.000-07:00

The usual Sunday rush, but a little less busy than what I've come to expect. Breakfast after the 8AM mass with Luciano, and a little bit of relaxing in the afternoon. I called my parents to talk a bit, and I also scheduled a communion visitation with Mary Anne Kufner again. St. Benedict, ora pro nobis!

The authentic struggle of human freedom ("not what I want, but what you want, oh Lord") became something of a vocal point in my meditation today. I think I should really give St. Benedict's writings a shot now; for all the talk I spout off about humility, one would think I'd bother to read the writings of the Saint whose rule for monastic life did more to elucidate the authentic meaning of humility than possibly any other Saint throughout history. I snagged a little biography of him from home a few weeks ago; after nearly finishing it today, I'm glad I did. Now if only I could emulate his life...THAT would be a boon to my vocation, that's for sure!

After last night's festivities at the Senior home demonstrated to me just how rewarding the "little things" we do really are. Instead of lounging around playing video games during the always-iminent downtime here at the rectory, why don't I say an extra rosary for the souls in purgatory? Why not start a fast of some sort to supplement my prayer diet during the hour of mercy? All of these things, if done correctly (with authentic humility - not the "do it because I'll fear better about myself if I do it" type of self-pity), foster a genuine realization that, as St. Paul said in today's second reading, that in our waekness in strength. We are only truly strong when we allow God to run our lives, even in (especially in!) the minute, little opportunities for sacrifice that appear in our day-to-day living. I only wish I had the gift necessarily to elucidate this; I think Fr. Beaven did a pretty good job of it in today's homily, though. Kudos to him!

Dear Lord, thank you for the gift of life. Never let me forget that this gift is always to be dedicated to your glory. Rather than seeking out ways to glorify myself, may I always recognize that Your grace is sufficient for all of the tasks that are appointed to me throughout the course of the day. My Mary, my mother and Your mother, intercede with all of the saints on my behalf in order that I may be brought ever closer to you. AMEN!

Saturday, July 4, 2009

2009-07-04T21:04:00.000-07:00

St. Benedict had a little "Independence Day" mass at 9:00AM this morning; I butchered the psalm (and I mean REALLY butchered it), but everything else went pretty well. At least I didn't hear hardcore American Exceptionalism preached from the pulpit. In fact, I was surprised at how tasteful the liturgy was. If only the flags had been taken down for the 5:00PM mass later today...I just don't see the point in shoehorning this stuff into the liturgy. We have our liturgical calendar courtesy of the USCCB; why not, you know, USE IT? I realize why people WANT something like a "patriotic mass," but it's coming at the expense of the usual feast of the day. We don't need yet another reminder of the secular feast of the day during our sacred liturgy, do we? If anything, we need a reminder that there's something more important than what's happening outside amidst the fireworks and parades. Am I the only one who thinks this way?

Anyway, in between the masses today, I went to Gamestop, spent $100 on new games (for which, I will gladly admit, I am somewhat...uncomfortable. Am I so attached to video games that my relationship with Christ and my vocation is suffering? I can't help but think that I had to drag out the debit card rather than choose between two games means that the answer to this question is "yes.") To top it off, I forgot to inquire about the item I actually wanted to get from the store in the first place. It slipped my mind once I saw the games on sale! UGH!

I felt far more at ease, however, on my way back. An elderly woman asked for my help with her groceries. At least I was of some use to someone after that hideously gluttonous spending spree!

As a way of reminding myself of the temporality of this world and the futility of expending all my wants and "needs" in things like video games, I spent some time in prayer and spiritual reading in the afternoon. I found this conversion story, which I promptly forwarded to a friend who, I am sure, will absolutely love it. I also read a bit about St. Benedict and his struggles with "worldly" things; I was particularly struck by his insistence that one be careful that daily sufferings and hardships are not purposely sought out to increase one's pride; oftentimes I feel that I have some "alterior motive" in my daily fasting (as much as one can consider it "fasting," anyway) that fits more into the mold of the vice of pride than the virtue of humility. I still need to learn the difference between the redemptive suffering as described in the essay I linked to above (and as described by St. Benedict, among many other holy men and women) and the ego-driven self-esteem boosters I often find myself engaging in. I ask for as much spiritual assistance as possible in this endeavor! Readers: Please spare me any extra prayers you have! I NEED THEM!

5:00PM mass was interesting; Barb, from St. Bart's, was the cantor, and I had to e the "emergency substitute" Extraordinary Minster of the Eucharist today. I think I successfully dodged any possible sacrilege, so here's hoping God found this unworthy servant to be a suitable vessel for His work today!

After mass, Luciano invited me out to a nursing home for some "charity work." Initially, I didn't want to go (those new video games seemed like a mighty attractive time waster after mass...), but recalling all the praying and reading I had done in the afternoon, I decided that at the very least, the boredom I suffered would be of use to saving some soul in purgatory (even, perhaps, my own). So I went to Vernon Hills with Luciano to sing a few Patriotic songs (again) to some senior citizens.

Little moment of grace: I narrowly dodged a peanut allergy attack on the way to the nursing home. Luciano stopped at a local Jimmy John's for some soda and potato chips. Just as I was about to take one, I noticed an odd smell emanating from the bag. Turns out the chips are cooked in peanut oil! YIKES! Thank You Lord for letting me dodge that bullet!

The nursing home was surprisingly packed. It's quite the affluent neighborhood, and the residents have their own "tropical getaway" within the building itself. In all honesty, the building is more like a hotel than anything else. I'm glad they enjoyed the rather muffled singing amidst Luciano's piano-playing. I was actually complimented by the seniors afterward in what APPEARED to be more than a patronizing manner; still another teared up as we sang the Army Air Corps theme, as she recalled her husband raising the flag at Iwo Jima (!!!!). All good gifts come from heaven above, so I must not let such moments turn into some opportunity for Satan to strike more pride into my heart. God help me!

We concluded the evening with a late dinner at a local Italian place. Luciano was visibly and audibly tired. I hope he "catches some Z's" to get his voice back on track for tomorrow. I doubt we'll get the usual choir members to show up considering the holiday weekend! There's also the possibility of no servers for the 8:00AM mass, meaning I'll have to fill in. God, I trust in Your Son and His saving power! AMEN!

Friday, July 3, 2009

2009-07-03T20:07:00.000-07:00

First Friday adoration today! Two masses (I missed the readings for the first mass, so I went to the second one at 8:30AM) to discover that, yes, St. Benedict's was having First Friday adoration, and I stuck around for about a good hour.

Fairly uneventful day after that; I did my best to make the first Friday a very holy one. I ran a few errands for Ms. Marge and Krista at the school (as usual), and I did sort of "wimp out" of a bit of work in the afternoon, but I did some reading, some praying, and even a little video game-playing. By evening, I was helping Fr. Steve and his family with the packing-up and moving out (round 2!) to St. Alphonsus.

That turned out to be a very worthwhile affair. His parents, Frank and Judy, as well as his brother (whose name, alas, I never discovered, despite our chitchat about World of Warcraft and the like), were very warm and welcoming; they seemed very pleased to have me help out with the moving and were also more than tolerant of my table manners during dinner (Lou Malnati's pizza...mmmmmmmmmm). We also got to see the fireworks from downtown Chicago atop the rectory building; a newly-accepted Mundelein pre-theology student, Julio, joined us. Because of the way the pre-theology program works, he'll be ordained the same year I will be (God willing!), so I can say I met another classmate today, as well! God works in mysterious ways.

Dear Lord, keep me safe and always in Your care. Never let me stumble into the ways of Satan. I ask this through Christ, my Lord, through whom all good things come. AMEN!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

2009-07-02T20:07:00.000-07:00

Well, today was interesting. Early mass (I finally woke up in time!), and Imanaged to make a quick phone call and deliver some mail for the good folks over at the school. Not bad for a morning's work, and I managed to check up with Fr. Steve to make sure that he was still ready and able to do some packing and moving to St. Alphonsus today.

I had lunch with one of my high school latin teachers and a fellow classmate; a jolly time was had by all, though I wish I could have said "hi" to the rest of the family, too. Oh well...prayers for all of them.

Speaking of prayers, I think I did a mighty fine job working on my spiritual life presentation for the seminarian retreat next week! Not even closed to finished, but it's a start that I'm glad I have. Too bad tomorrow is already Friday! After the brief Wednesday Six-flags getaway (I also did a few errands at the school and rectory that morning, as well), I'm not ready for the long weekend ahead! Yikes!

Fr. Steve's moving-in, moving-out meant that I had to do some MAJOR heavy lifting. I earned my dinner tonight, I'll say that. Enjoying some ice cream with Mike and Brad afterwards was a nice way of finishing off the day. I'll be praying for them as they get ready for the retreat as well!

I still can't believe it's been over 7 weeks at this internship now! I'm out by JULY 18! Truth be told, I'm not sure if I WANT to leave yet. I was already under the impression that I was finished by the end of July (not the middle of the month), and frankly, I think I'll keep it that way if possible. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. AMEN!

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

2009-06-30T21:00:00.000-07:00

So today I went over to the Common Food Pantry at the Protestant Church again. Same crowd, and we finished at roughly the same time, too. Well worth it. One of the gang over there just found a job and consequently won't be returning to volunteer; another has been out of a job for a month and a half and is still looking. Prayers for her! St. Anthony, intercede on her behalf!

I returned to St. Ben's to play video games for a good 2+ hours, then helped Fr. Beaven and a St. Ben's high school student with some heavy lifting; we had to move some supplies up to the high school weight room. It only took about 20 minutes, so I had plenty of time to say a rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet. In fact, I finished before the 4:00PM hour.

Dinner was an quick and quiet affair: leftovers from yesterday (and Sunday's pizza). Fueled me enough for the LONG night of bingo ahead; there were no meetings tonight (happens about twice a year, according to Fr. Beaven), so I was at bingo from the very outset all the way to the closing. Got out of that auditorium at around 10:20 - just in time to get my clothes out of the dryer, and write up this journal entry. May God Bless everyone, especially those in most need of His Divine Mercy - including my own wretched and sinful self. May He make me more worthy, day by day. AMEN!

Monday, June 29, 2009

2009-06-29T20:40:00.000-07:00

Today was the day of the Chicago Young Republicans Grand Old Party - but I didn't go. In fact, as much as I would have liked to go to it (not to mention the meeting of the township GOP of Berwyn, my hometown), I found myself doing things here at St. Ben's that really clarify the vocation I am currently discerning and the deep sacrificial meaning of the priesthood.

I didn't make 6:30 Mass, and I got a late start after that, as well. By the time Ihad finished breakfast/lauds/Divine Office it was a quarter till 10:00AM, and I rushed over to the school only to find out (as expected) that I was not going to help anyone by hanging around there. Content to know that I had at least tried my earnest to make myself useful, I checked back at the rectory to see what the others were up to. I found a note in my mailbox - not exactly typical of a Monday morning, so I promptly opened it up to read it. Turns out that Anne, the parish grounds gardener, is out of town. She wants me to water the garden for the next two weeks! So much for lazy mornings - Mary Sue, the receptionist on Mondays, remarked that I had quite an easy job if my chief concern for the morning is flowers! I gotta admit, she's right. Anyone reading this blog knows that, too. For crying out loud, I actively lament the lack of activity at the parish to parishioners, too, so I'm sure they're getting quite sick of my complaints, as well. Time spent complaining is time not spent praying - or is it? If my 3:00PM Holy Hour is any indication (not to mention numerous psalms, the book of Ecclesiastes, etc.), "complaining" IS prayer, and perhaps some of the best prayer we can offer to God. Maybe if I did a bit more of that complaining to God instead of directing it at parishioners, I'd actually develop a deeper prayer life worth bragging about, not to mention writing about. Pray for me, everyone!

Anyone, Fr. Steve graciously invited me along to his errands for the day once he had finished checking his e-mails. By 11:30, we were off to my favorite little religious goods store (and, from what I can tell, something of a "best-kept secret" as far as lay Catholics are concerned) - House of Hansen, just a few miles west of St. Ben's on Irving Park Road. It is renowned amongst seminarians and priests for the handmade liturgical vestments; Fr. Steve was just getting his own refitted in time for his new assignment, which, if he is to be believed, starts in only a few days!

After Hansens' (I bought a book on the Latin mass! w00t!) we went to yet ANOTHER religious goods store - Morrow's, which offers a bit more in the "non-vestment" category of religious goods that Hansens' generally lacks. Didn't but anything - nor did I buy my own lunch at Panera, because Fr. Steve absolutely refused to let me do it! "You can repay the favor when you pay for another seminarian's lunch after you're ordained." Well, ok...

Our last stop of the afternoon was St. Alphonsus parish - about 2 miles south of St. Ben's. Turns out Fr. Steve is MOVING IN HERE. It's apparently the only location that "works"; I can certainly say that it terms of his living arrangements, he's got something that "works" (understatement of the year!). He's going to be living in an old former convent with all the comforts of home; let's just say that "opulence" doesn't describe it. At least he's got a beautiful chapel with a high altar and icons EVERYWHERE. He's got it made! Lucky guy...

Anyway, I also found out that a soon-to-be St. Joseph's seminarian is working at St. Alphonsus, though I didn't get to meet him. Alex, if you are reading this, good luck and God bless!

We got back to St. Ben's in time for me to finish a Divine Mercy Chaplet and a rosary before dinner; Anne, the cook, also had us help out with the leftover cake from yesterday's reception. Note to self: never trust Fr. Steve with cake. He placed the box lopsided in the fridge and the whole thing collapsed in on itself! At least Anne salvaged it; heck, I'll probably grab some before I head off to bed tonight...

Monday also means Benfest meetings, and tonight's was a doozy. Over an hour of chitchat on topics in which I can offer nothing of use; even when I try, it turns out I'm better off staying quiet (it's a good exercise in humility, though!). Dear Lord, keep my humble throughout my tenure here. Let me honor and respect the Way, the Truth, and the Life that has created all things, including ME! AMEN!

Sunday, June 28, 2009

2009-06-28T20:05:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been the usual busy Sunday. Masses throughout the morning lasting until early afternoon, with the added bonus of having Fr. Steve's reception interspersed throughout the entirety of the day. The high school was either very smart or very stupid to host its rummage sale after all the masses, as well. They set up just outside the gym entrance on Bell Street; I can't help but think that they could've done better if they had "mooched" off of the Benbuck/Benfest volunteer recruiters standing outside the church main entrance. Hopefully some of the stragglers to Fr. Steve's sending off managed to catch the rummage sale as they entered/exited through the back door to the Ackerman/Social Center, where the reception was being held.

For my part, I didn't really get to talk much to either one of the priests here at St. Ben's today, and I didn't really help much at the receptions, either. I decided to pray Morning Prayer and the Daily Office in between one of the masses, so that naturally kept me busy and away from the partying. I caught the rummage sale after helping Luciano clean up after the noon mass, and that kept me from helping out with the clean-up for the reception.

The Choir was fantastic today, or at least as fantastic as we've been for quite some time. I know on my end I was actually subpar (I can now say with some certainty that I am NOT a tenor! Baritone, maybe?), but the choir as a whole actually got some compliments from parishioners after the mass; I've actually never seen that happen before, though I don't think today is the only day our little schola deserved it. Nonetheless, I was glad to be a part of the "farewell to Fr. Steve" choir. Too bad the "farewell" for me will likely be a quiet postlude to packing away boxes in his car when he moves out later this week...perhaps taking him out to dinner is in order! I can't wait to see what Anne has planned for him in the kitchen this week...

Anyway, the rest of the afternoon was spent with Luciano and Lauren, another cantor and friend of Luciano. We went to lunch at Giordano's, which was certainly well worth it (though I will admit I was a bit too gluttonous, as usual...and to think I just confessed that sin yesterday in confession...ARGH!), but the follow-up of having to endure the hullaballoo following the Gay "Pride" parade was much worse. Lauren lives close to the parade route, so trying to drop her off was a PITA. One particular awkward moment: some parade watchers were being dropped off at a curb in front of us after Luciano had just dropped off Lauren. These two ladies, once they saw us, immediately waved their rainbow flags in glee and cheered at us. I cocked an eyebrow in my confusion to Luciano, who was immediately to my left
(I was in the front seat next to him); it didn't occur to me until after we hit the next block that they might have (and gauging by their reaction, "probably" is the better term, here) thought Luciano and I were a gay couple! I snickered a bit, then thought about the potentially scandalous situation I was in. Now, I realize that two guys together hardly constitutes scandal, and it's not like I'm running off to the confessional to confess this as some mortal sin, but this definitely stands as a reminder for the future. It's an unfortunate side-effect of my vocation that I need to be careful of what I do and say even in what appear to be innocuous circumstances. It's the same reason why priests now have to be extremely cautious when they're working with youth. One wrong step and it's lawsuit time! A few bad apples really have spoiled the barrel for the whole bunch. Pray for priests, everyone! They need it!

After watching a bit of "24" at Luciano's place (I still don't get why people like this show, BTW), we made our way over to St. Sylvester's church, where I had earlier in the day reluctantly agreed to visit with Luciano. He had a gig there as a substitute music minister; he told me that the liturgy and the priests there were wonderful. Knowing Luciano's rather refined liturgical sensibilities, I was willing to trust him, and I forewent my Sunday afternoon to attend the 6:00PM mass.

Let's just say I didn't regret it! I had heard of St. Sylvester's before, and I quickly recalled why once I walked inside: the associate pastor there was an intern at my home parish of St. Leonard while he was a seminarian at Mundelein! He remembered me, too, I think, and he asked me if I'd like to serve mass. I declined, though, once again, in retrospect, I probably should have. I did manage to get a head start on my rosary (I LOVE saying the rosary during mass!), but there seems to be little point in avoiding serving the mass I will eventually have to "say"/pray (the latter is the better term, I think!). If the sacrifice of the mass is the essence of priesthood, I should naturally desire to be as close to it as possible. Avoiding it because of fear of messing up/looking silly/wanting to do something else is NOT conducive to my vocation.

I managed to talk to Fr. Jose after mass, and some of the other parishioners gladly handed out cupcakes, bulletins, and advertisements for Theology on Tap (!!!) at the parish in the coming months. They also have Eucharistic adoration on Fridays; looks like I have another alternative to Our Lady of Lourdes for my devotional life! W00t! Thank you Lord for priests like Fr. Jose and Fr. Paul! They will be instrumental in the fruition of what JPII called the "springtime in the church," I am sure of it! They will attract converts by the truckload!

After mass, Luciano brought along Eric, a Seattle native who recently moved to the city. He cantored for the mass at St. Sylvester's, and he appeared very happy to see St. Ben's and get the "grand tour" with Luciano. He seems like a fairly devout fellow; he gives off what I would call the "Franciscan University Catholic" vibe; it's similar to what I see in the Ravenswood Catholic Young Adults group. Basically, it's my euphemism for a young, devout, but not quite "mature" Catholic. I hope that doesn't come off as too patronizing...as a 20-year-old, I probably fit into this mold myself as it is. "Don't judge lest ye be judged" knows no better recipient than yours truly! I must do better to heed it; perhaps it will lead me to solve my problems with courage and humility (there were plenty of those opportunities with Luciano, Lauren, and many others today and on Saturday). For now, however, I'll say Night Prayer and catch some shut-eye...I won't have the luxury of 6:30AM mass for much longer, as Fr. Beaven is canceling it once Fr. Steve moves out.

Lord God, never let me forget how much You love me. I love You dearly in return. May nothing ever be as precious to me as You. Keep me forever in Your warm embrace that You gave to me on the cross. May I live my life in a way that attests to this trust. AMEN!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

2009-06-27T18:58:00.000-07:00

Went to confession at my "home parish" of St. Odilo back in Berwyn, IL at 11:30-ish or so, then got on the Blue Line to get back to St. Ben's in time for evening mass at 5:00PM. I arrived at around 1:30PM, which was, unfortunately, too late to help out for the set-up for Fr. Steve's "Auf Wiedersehen" reception (I still can't believe it's his last weekend here!). I did get a chance to chat with him a little before mass; looks like the conference with the FOCUS missionaries went very well! He's going to be in good company when he starts his new assignment at the Newman Center at UIC!

My singing voice was practically non-existent for the 5:00PM mass today. I think it gradually improved as the mass went on, though. Throughout the entire mass I kept wondering if singing in the "choir" (which for tonight was just me) is really the best way to be a witness for Christ during the mass. There was no need for extra servers, Eucharistic ministers, or lectors tonight, but I wonder if just sitting in the pews would actually be a BETTER witness. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just being an attention-seeking neo-clerical seminarian; other times, I think of the excerpt from "Diary of the Country Priest" where one of the "old school" priests chastites the main character for being part of the "choir boy priest" generation. It reminds me also of the priest character from Gran Torino, a character I find to be far from the ideal priest (even if he is leagues beyond the idiot malcontent passive-aggressive, sexually perverted depictions the media tends to bestow upon priest characters in movies and TV shows these days); when I saw the movie in theaters, I saw a character that reminded me scarily of myself - in all the wrongs ways, and for all the wrong reasons. Miss Marge actually said something to that effect a few weeks ago, when school hadn't quite finished for the summer yet. She didn't mention the association in the same negative light I just did (in fact, I'm fairly certain she wanted to compliment me, for which I thank her!), but I made no secret of my displeasure in being compared to the "Father Gran Torino."

The whole "am I doing the right thing?" was especially prominent in my discernment today for other reasons, as well. Having just received the sacrament of Reconciliation, I was determined to "sin no more," which naturally turns on the "scrupulosity alert" to its maximum setting; having just arrived back at St. Benedict after a day and a half off of work didn't help things, as I felt obligated to get some meaningful work done after accomplishing virtually nothing during my time off.

Luciano invited out to ANOTHER priest's "farewell" reception at another parish after mass; I thought about it, and I fear that I did so for the wrong reasons, but I decided to stick around for Fr. Steve's reception here at St. Ben's instead. I'm glad I did, as I was able to help out with the take-down and various other odd jobs that inevitably result from these kinds of parish events, but I still wonder if I declined Luciano's invitation simply because I didn't want to go to a parish function where I:

a) didn't know anybody
b) wouldn't get back home until late;
c) wouldn't be able to enjoy the company of other St. Ben's parishioners
d) wouldn't get much to eat

As I said, it's probably just scruples. Dear Lord, protect me from the scourge of this spiritual disease! St. Louis Du Montfort, pray for me! Grant that I may find my solace and strength within the comforting caress of the Blessed Mother, as you did! AMEN!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

2009-06-25T18:10:00.000-07:00

Ok, today was OFFICIALLY the shortest work day EVER. I went to the earlier mass only to be left with nothing to do after 9:30! And I actually LOOKED FOR WORK TO DO! There was absolutely nothing I was able to help out with today!

At least I got in some quality time with the Lord. It's never a waste of time to be in front of the Blessed Sacrament. Jesus, I trust in You! Help me to relax and enjoy my (official) day off of work tomorrow! AMEN!

Wednesday, June 23, 2009

2009-06-24T19:34:00.000-07:00

It's my brother Tim's birthday today! I gave him a cheery (albeit obligatory) facebook birthday wish, but I'll be calling him just to rub it in. Happy Birthday, Tim!

My day at work was considerably shortened today due to the second "Day of Recollection" for the seminarians involved in this "Discernment Internship" thing. Since our location for the event was St. Thomas of Villanova parish in Palatine, I had to wake up early to catch the Brown line just to get to St. Joe's in time. All in all, everything went really well; everyone seems to be doing well, though if I had to guess, everyone else, whether they are saying so or not, are suffering from the "routine" syndrome I've described so much in my blog. One, however, mentioned his particularly sticky circumstances dealing with church teaching and its implemenation in the parish. His description of the events made me happy to be at St. Ben's. Heterodoxy exists here, but it's covert. When the enemy is so obnoxious as to use in-your-face tactics in the church itself, well, you know you've got an uphill battle on your hands. Prayers for courage, Pollo! Good luck!

Anne, our cook here three days a week, made a wonderful pasta dinner tonight. Filled me up and primed me for the long but satisfying High School Board meeting. My Quigley experience compelled me to chime in on more than once occasion; however, just being an observer and NOT an official board member, I was a silent listener the whole time, with the exception of the under-my-breath guttural mutterings that I'm sure those next to me heard. At least the meeting wasn't boring (I'm looking at you, buildings and grounds committee!)

Overall, a very satisfying day, although I wish I could have remembered to pray a bit in the high school chapel after the meeting. It was probably too hot anyway...oh well, there's always tomorrow.

Dear Lord, grant me the courage to stand up for Your truth and follow it whereever it leads. Thank You for the gift of life and love; keep me grounded in You forever. AMEN!!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

2009-06-23T20:19:00.000-07:00

Today I:

-Went to Mass early (6:30AM!)
-made phone calls/e-mails to potential Benfest volunteers
-had lunch with the Vice Rector of St. Joseph College Seminary, Fr. Peter Snieg
-went to an incredibly long-winded and overly extensive meeting relating to the buildings and grounds of the parish
-helped out at Tuesday night Bingo (as usual)

Highlight of the day: Mrs. Marge, the secretary at the school, commented, "You're good at the phone, you're good with the computer, and you're not afraid to talk to people. I think you're going to make a good priest!" A very gratifying moment!

Lowpoint: Joe, a volunteer at bingo, called me "big guy" again today. Hrmm....

Lord, help me to take both the good and the bad of everyday and glorify You with ALL of it. Never let any moment You have given me go to waste. Jesus, I trust in You! AMEN!!

Monday, June 22, 2009

2009-06-22T18:17:00.000-07:00

What I thought was going to be another lazy Monday turned out to be quite the clock-stopper. Even with a 45-minute nap in the afternoon, I was so famished and fatigued that I thought I was going to fall asleep at the dinner table!

Morning brought mass at 8:30AM, and I elected to have breakfast at McDonald's after chatting with Barbara at the rectory. I was curious about the nearest Gamestop location; I wasn't sure if she would even know what Gamestop is, but after she responded with details and directions of two different store locations, she confirmed to me once again that she is the "go-to gal" at the parish for directions. Thank you Barbara!

I did spend a LONG time in the shop, though. I bought one game for myself and one for my brother, whose birthday is this week. I agonized over what game to get him for a good 45 minutes. Here's hoping he likes it!

I got back to the parish in time to grab a snack and check e-mail. I decided to give Mary Anne Kufner a call and try to schedule a communion visit again. I will admit that I really didn't WANT to do it; I knew that it would easily take up my entire afternoon if I did, and I wasn't looking forward to venturing out into the hot weather again! At the same time, I knew that Mary Anne absolutely craves the Lord in a way that even this Catholic seminarian finds unfathomable. I was not going to deny her the chance to receive our Lord if she truly wanted it!

After sorting out some business with the seminary, I gave Mary Anne a call. She told me that afternoon visits would be fine, even on weekdays! Slightly disappointed (and also slightly inwardly pleased!), I managed to get the tabernacle key from Fr. Steve and head out to the Senior Center to visit Mary Anne.

I spent a good 2+ hours there. I met her housekeeper, Tiffany, who mentioned her own relative's time in the seminary. Looks like she gets alone with Mary Anne pretty well, though not in a "best friend" kind of way. Mary Anne herself mentioned something to the same effect in our conversation over the course of the afternoon.

It would be quite futile to try to recall every ounce of chitchat I had with Mary Anne, but I do think it is worthwhile to write down that I think that she is a very holy woman. Perhaps not QUITE as holy as she lets on, but this woman is doing quite a bit for the poor souls in purgatory, let me tell you! God bless her! Lord, please keep her, your servant, safe as she suffers for your greater glory!

Dinner was, as I mentioned earlier, strangely tiring. The afternoon heat combined with my time spent visiting Mary Anne left me ready to collapse; being sleep-deprived from the night before didn't make things better. At least I still managed to finish my daily rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet before I fell asleep. God is good!

Anne, our cook, seemed slightly fatigued today, as well. She didn't seem quite like herself; maybe it was just me. Her cooking was excellent, as always. God bless you, Anne!

Now, the Benfest meeting - THAT was interesting. Just when I thought that I was about to catch a break (only 4 people showing up to the meeting scheduled for 7PM? 7:15, and only 5 people are there? Can you say "cancellation?"), the people there essentially chatted amongst themselves about everything Benfest-related. Looks like I'm helping out with volunteer check-ups tomorrow; Mrs. Marge is going to need even more help than what she originally told me she would need when I saw her this morning. Hmmmmm...here's hoping she isn't stressing about this TOO much. God help her and all of us!

Lord, keep us safe from all that could harm us. May your Eucharist satisfy every longing of our hearts and keep us firmly united to You forever. AMEN!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

2009-06-21T19:55:00.000-07:00

Since I forgot to write an entry in after last night's course of events, today's entry will actually cover TWO days - hopefully it won't be too long. Given that Saturday's particular happenings weren't too time-extensive anyway, I doubt I'll be typing this entry much longer than I normally would. We'll see! Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful! Lead the way!

AFter an extended leave of absence into Saturday afternoon, I arrived at St. Ben's about 40 minutes or so before the 5:00PM mass. I felt slighty...awkward. My left ear was filled with wax and I couldn't hear myself sing! To make matters worse, this continued all weekend. Good thing I had other parish activities to keep me busy; For one, Kyle, an active parishioner (and, as I found out, a relatively recent "revert") started a "baby bottle collection" for a local Crisis Pregnancy Center. I got to help with the distribution of the "bottles" (the idea is that the parishioners will fill them with loose change and bring them back in three weeks' time)after all the masses; I gradually devised a slick "marketing" campaign, too: "Help Women! Save Babies! Just take a bottle!" turns quite a few heads, especially when a little tyke is standing with mommy just a few feet away. Now, how do we make sure they bring the bottles back? Well, we'll worry about that when we come to it.

Dinner with Luciano following the mass at 5 was...a little different. Mexican food (hadn't had that in awhile), and though things were never really "hostile," we began talking about homosexuality/gay marriage as we finished dinner. We ended up talking about it all the way to his apartment, where he was showing "Slumdog Millionaire" (great movie!) to a group of friends. I'm going to have brush up on effective ways of arguing the Catholic position on this. It's very hard not to resort to "it's spiritually/physically dangerous" or "bodily complementarity," neck-deep in theology arguments when speaking about this subject. Thank God his cat greeted us at the door, promptly changing our conversation (I've got a cat allergy, and Luciano told me that I had nothing to worry about. He was right!). The company was also quite friendly (God Bless Barbara of St. Bart's parish. From what she tells me, Fr. Jason needs prayers, too!)

Now the night out left me with little time for writing, and as I hadn't said my rosary for the day at that point, I figured that "chaining myself to God" could scarcely be a worse way of ending the day. So the rosary culminated my Saturday. I think it was a good decision! I woke up fairly refreshed despite the slight sleep deprivation, and I sang as well as I could given my condition. I probably should've served that mass, instead, though. I need to clean that cassock! It's not fair to me or anyone else that it just sits in the sacristy closet taking up space. TO THE CLEANERS IT GOES!!!

Luciano invited Rahul (the cantor) and myself out to breakfast at his favorite little joint, The Lincoln. Being Indian, Rahul had a little to share about Slumdog; but this time the "controversial" topic of the moment turned out to be abortion. Gotta say, I think I was a much more effective witness to the Truth in regards to this topic. Rahul threw out the usual "no one is pro-abortion" and "they just wanted people to make up their minds for themselves" quips, which I thoroughly rebuked. Luciano, though a slightly tougher nut to crack (he's made illusions that he's pro-life already), was speechless at my commentary about voting for a pro-abortion political candidate. After admitting that he would never vote for a pro-slavery candidate, I asked him why, using that standard, why he WOULD vote for a pro-abortion candidate. Speechless. Time to divert the subject to Sarah Palin. Le Sigh.

Anyway, the rest of the day was helping Kyle and Luciano with their respective errands. The heat of the day left me tired; when one of my gradeschool teachers, Mrs. Covington, made a surprise visit (she lives only a few blocks away from St. Ben's!), I didn't know if I was gonna collapse from the heat or the shock of the moment. By God's grace I made it through this day as all days. Bless the Lord my Soul!

I tried in the afternoon to make a communion visitation with Mary Anne Kufner again; no luck this time. She called me back later in the evening; I'll try to reach her again tomorrow. At least I was able to chat with my dad for Father's Day! Yay! I'm still praying for you, Dad!

After the 6:30PM "Youth" mass, Kyle invited me to dinner with another parishioner from the elementary school board. Being dedicated converts and reverts, Kyle and this other woman (What's her name?...Sharron?!?! I can't remember!) chatted up a storm about Notre Dame, their own peculiar "church teaching" moments (an aunt who's living in a homosexual relationship with two daughters from in-vitro fertilization...both from the same donor, but each with a different "mom." YIKES! Maria Goretti, pray for us! :/ ) Kyle also talked about his experience with Men's CHRP (the "Christ Helps Renew His Parish" initiative from the diocese). Finding men to join the group is getting harder and harder; we ended up chatting long after dinner was over, and after "Sharron" had left, too. Both of them left, from what I can tell, at least not being offended by my company, even though I didn't pay for dinner (they refused to let me pay! ARGH!!! It happens every. single. time!).

Dear Father in heaven, bless Kyle, "Sharron," the priests, and all who came to St. Benedict's for mass today. May our voices not drown out your munificence, but only serve to magnify your greater glory. Through Christ our Lord, AMEN!

Friday, June 19, 2009

2009-06-19T22:43:00.001-07:00

Nothing muh to report today whatsoever (it's my weekly day off!), but as today does mark the beginning of the Year of the Priest:

O Jesus, Eternal Priest;
keep all Your priests within the shelter of Your
Sacred Heart, where none may harm them.
Keep unstained their anointed hands
which daily touch Your Sacred Body.

Keep unsullied their lips purpled with Your Precious Blood.
Keep pure and unearthly their hearts sealed with the
sublime marks of Your glorious priesthood.
Let Your holy love surround them and shield them
from the world's contagion.

Bless their labors with abundant fruit,
and may the souls to whom they have ministered to
be their joy and consolation
and in Heaven their beautiful and everlasting crown.

O Mary, Queen of the clergy, pray for us;
obtain for us many holy priests.

AMEN!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

2009-06-18T18:20:00.000-07:00

Woke up for mass at 8:30AM, and I managed to pray the Office a bit beforehand for once. At least I managed to get back into the rectory before 9:30AM!

Breakfast today marked the last time I'm likely to see Fr. O'Boyle for awhile; he's going to Ireland for vacation for a month or so, and he's arriving back in the states just after I'm scheduled to leave!

Ah Well. Fr. Steve, Associate Pastor who is also soon-to-be-gone (less than two weeks! *sadface*) took me out to a nursing home for mass today. First time I'm seen a mass at a place like that, though I'm not too surprised how it all "turned out." I've been to nursing homes before, and I've even seen ecumenical "services," but seeing Fr. Steve trying to pray in the "orans" position with a microphone was certainly...well, novel. To think that I will have to be his replacement now that he's leaving is very humbling. The plaque the residents and managers of the nursing home bestowed upon Fr. Steve after the mass clearly does not show their gratitude sufficiently. They will miss him dearly. You are a good priest, Fr. Steve.

Afternoon turned into a few errands (both personal and church-related), and everything was relatively quiet until evening, when Fr. Steve invited me out to dinner. Italian - yum! We talked about politics, the church, the priesthood, and...wait for it...Saturday Night Live. You name it, we covered it.

Suffice it to say that I think Fr. Steve is more than a good priest. I'm not sure he's on the verge of "greatness" yet - the essence of sacrifice is there (he paid for my dinner :P), but sometimes I think he lack the courage of the Saints I'm hearing about more and more these days. More likely, it is my own lack of prudence that is causing me to reach this judgment (and I'm no model of bravery, either), and although it is with much sadness that Fr. Steve leaves St. Benedict, it will be with much rejoicing that the Catholics at UIC receive him into their "parish." I wiash Fr.Steve the best and will certainly be praying for him earnestly. I owe him that and so much more just for the dinner alone!

God, never let me forget all that has been given to me, both directly by you and through your creation. As the Year of the Priest begins tomorrow, bless all seminarians, priests, bishops, and the Holy Father with your most powerful graces. Lead us all ever closer to you. AMEN!!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

2009-06-17T18:21:00.000-07:00

I must confess that I thought I would have for more to write about today than I did yesterday. One would think that meeting a politician is worth spilling ink/typeprint over - especially when that politician is the infamously pro-abortion and self-identified "Catholic" Illinois State Representative John Fritchey.

Mary Fitzgerald (the St. Ben's Parish Nurse) and I scheduled a "political tour" of the Irving Park/Ravenswood/Uptown/St. Benedict Parish area on Monday; Alderman Gene Schulter's office was the first stop on the whirlwind tour. He was and is still a parishioner at St. Benedict, though being a politician has naturally led him to attend just about every church (Catholic or not) in the area for *COUGH*pandering*COUGH* - I mean, public service purposes. I'm told he's still a member of the St. Benedict High School Advisory Board, and Helen Schott, an elderly parishioner, recalls how active he was in the parish only 2 decades ago before his Aldermanic candidacy. He's currently the Democratic committeeman for the city's 47th Ward; his office is a "triplex" of sorts that's shared not only by his staffers (he's rarely in the office, and today was no exception), but the staff of Commissioner Forrest Claypool and Senate President John Cullerton. In short, it's the political bigtime here in Irving Park, and as a pro-life Catholic who has nothing but disdain for the way in which Fritchey, Cullerton, and Claypool have acted, I was eagerly trying to find out how the political climate here allowed these guys to get elected (this neighborhood is also the political home of Rod Blagojevich and Rahm Emmanuel, as well as the newly-elected congressman Mike Quigley).

Fritchey's office is a tad farther from St. Ben's than I thought it would be (in fact, Greg Harris, the State Rep. from the next district over, has his office closer to St. Ben's than Fritchey does), and he quickly proved himself to be a schmoozy, cynical politician that I already knew he was. We arrived at his office in the midst of a demonstration; various groups protesting proposed cuts to human service programs (youth programs, senior benefits, etc.) were all gathered outside his office protesting his recent "no" vote to Gov. Quinn's proposed income tax hike. He did his best to play the crowd with lines like "we need an income tax hike" (!!!) using the excuse that the proposed property tax hike is what made him a "no" vote on this issue.

His chief-of-staff also struck me as a bit of a "tool," so to speak. Maybe I'm being too harsh, but I don't buy the story of "I'm actually a chef, and I just wanted to help other people, so here I am with John, just trying to do the right thing, you know?" to be convincing. I'm sorry, buddy, but "John" just recently ran for the 5th U.S. congressional district open seat. He's not a nobody. He's a powerful politician with connections to some rather unfortunate political lobbies (like Planned Parenthood, for example). I'm not willing to buy the idea that he just recruited a chef to be his chief-of-staff. Something else is at play here.

Anyway, Fritchey himself was all too happy to speak with the non-confrontational guests such as Mary Fitz and myself (with a cameraman setting up a nice shot angle just off to the left side of us, naturally). "Oh, I love St. Ben's!" he said. "I've got Alphonsus over here, but it don't beat Ben's!" John Fritchey really turns me off. I can smell that political patronization from a mile away, buddy. You can fool your constituents, but you can't fool me.

And that's why I made sure to pray for him during my holy hour today. I realized that my disdain for this man's behavior is certainly qualified, but that disdain can't sit still - otherwise it becomes resentment and hatred. Fritchey, like so many other Catholics of all occupations, really just needs a conversion of heart. He is just one of many who lost his moral bearings and his sense of objective justice a long time ago. He needs to be renewed, just as I do. Praying for him as I meditated on the 5th Joyful Mystery was probably the most prayerful part of my day. It was worth meeting the scumbag if only for that reason. May God bless him and heal him!

The follow-up to Fritchey was a short tour of the "mothership" Senior Center. Despite the fact that the St. Vincent DePaul Senior Center dwarfs this other center in size, it seems to me that the "mothership" still offered far more in terms of service. It once again confirmed to me that Seniors in this part of the city are indeed well-off. But another question came to my mind, and Mary Fitz's comments certainly didn't eliminate the question from my mind: Why do all these Seniors need this simple, basic care? The obvious answer: they have no family willing to help them out! Just another example of the degenerate state of the family here in Westernized, consumer-driven, "Christian" America :(. May God have mercy on us!

I'm relieved that they have the care, though, even with the obvious implications of the collective failure of the faithful to obey the fourth Commandment. At least the Elementary School Board Meeting injected a bit of hope into me. I'm continually impressed by Rachel Gemo, the principal, in particular. She knows her stuff, and she's tireless in her efforts to make St. Ben's elementary as great as it can be. Many of the Board members are, as well. What's really needed at this point is some extra grace to push them along. They're not doing badly at all, but a little push on the spiritual side of things, and St. Ben's could really skyrocket! Is it a bit presumptuous of this 2nd-year seminarian to be saying so? Well, yeah. But even a second-year seminarian can tell when parents have put the cart in front of the horse, and the business "focus" of these meetings is leaving everyone there spiritually decayed. Dear God, through the intercession of Christ's Blessed Mother, show to them the glory that only you have! Take away the obsession with the minutae of business life and give to them the pure joy of You! They need You. I need you. We ALL need You! For the sake of His sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world. Jesus, we trust in You! AMEN!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

2009-06-16T21:32:00.000-07:00

Nothing new to report today that I haven't written about before (Bingo, various Parish Organizational meetings, and the like occupy just about any Tuesday of any given week), though I must admit that bingo left me a bit bewildered tonight, if only due to the heat. The one "new" thing I get to write about today is my volunteer hours at the Common Pantry, located at the United Church of Christ on Damen Avenue. While I can't brag about any sort of ecumenical accomplishment (the only thing I told any of the other volunteers there was that I knew Al, a regular volunteer at the pantry hailing from St. Ben's). Long story short? I spent the better part of my morning at the pantry, sorting canned goods, shelving bread, and crushing cardboard boxes. Tedious? You bet. A little strenuous? Well, just a tad. Worth it? Absolutely!

Though I am no stranger to the world of Food Pantry volunteerism (like many other Catholic high schoolers, I spent time doing (mandatory) service hours (?) in order to graduate), I still find it strangely fulfilling. I won't pontificate about the deep theology of serving the poor and whatnot, as it is something I still need to "work out" before I can effectively elucidate it. I can say this, however: the authentic JOY of some of the volunteers at these places should be enough to make any non-believer sweat. I certainly saw that joy at the Common Pantry today in the volunteers; I can only imagine how many converts and reverts the church would gain if each of her members had this joy. Just some food for thought (no pun intended!)

I managed to sort out some tensions between the maintenance staff and the rest of the "Bingo gang" tonight, as well. I've mentioned before how they don't always see eye-to-eye; without going into unnecessary detail, let's just say that the gymnasium full of Bingo devotees will finally have it's exhaust fans working next week!

The other "bonus" of being the go-between (or, perhaps, perceiving that I'm the go-between) is that I get to do some genuine "ministry." At one point tonight one of the maintenance men started doing what I wish everyone at this parish was more willing to do: talk! And not just talk as in socially acceptable chit-chat (which seems to dominate everything and anything we do these days) Before I knew it, this guy telling me his life story!

I really dislike the formalities that come with the "conversion" process. No one ever wants to be honest! No wonder the sacrament of Reconciliation is never utilized - everyone's afraid of actually saying what's on their minds (and, consequentially, their souls are virtually impossible to get to.) I do not see how intellectual honesty can be separated from a conversion of heart. Are they the same thing? No. But I cannot have the latter without the presence of the former. How can I effectively minister to people that can't take the "baby steps" needed to walk in the reign?

Well, yeah, I know I'm part of the problem. The fact that I have to resort to writing about these issues here instead of a private diary is probably someway symptomatic of this problem. This will not keep me from begging God for the graces needed bring more souls to His side. May my own soul be saved alongside the countless others that need his mercy! I should be so privileged as to bring even ONE soul to Him; Lord, may you grant me the graces necessary to bring many souls to you, including my own! AMEN!

Monday, June 15, 2009

2009-06-15T20:14:00.000-07:00

Today was possibly the most uneventful day I've had at St. Ben's thus far. I realize that I sound like a broken record on this subject, but Mondays are quite possibly the most boring days in the life of an interning seminarian. I had literally NOTHING to do. I tried the schools, the rectory, the church...anything to get me off of my computer and help out in any way possible.

I found absolutely NOTHING, anywhere. I managed to run a few personal errands in lieu of the actual "business" of working. I thought I might actually have something to do when Fr. Steve invited me along to the Vicariate "cluster" meeting of the parish priests from the immediate area, located in the social center. I was there for all of 20 minutes before I was asked to leave (Brotherhood of Priests and all that, ya know). Even a seminarian isn't privy to that inner sanctum of information, though I don't begrudge them for not including me. My presence would've undoubtedly "censored" certain topics of conversation, anyway, so hopefully everything that needed to be said at the meeting was said. God bless our priests!

I was slightly miffed that I had to hightail out of the meeting; it's not that I'm bitter about not being able to hear anything, it's just that I was, once again, left with absolutely nothing to do! At least my 3:00PM holy hour was made all the more prayerful. Nothing like a dull and dreary Monday to make one crave the Eucharist!

6:00PM brought some much-needed changes. The St. Benedict Holy Name Society was holding a cookout; not only did this 3-hours affair keep me out of the scheduled Benfest meeting, but I got to hear some hilarious wedding stories from Fr. Steve and Dradyne (a woman from the group who coordinates the events inside the church building). Bridezilla's got nothing on the "Attack of the Wedding Paparazzi," the drunken grooms puking in the parish garden, or the nervous stepfather hiding out in the choir loft hoping to avoid the mother of the bride's wrath at his very appearance at "mommy's little girl"'s wedding. Eye-opening stuff, to be sure! It sounded like a book deal in the making - I wonder what kind of weddings I'll have to "preside" at? I'm not so naive as to believe everyone that gets married is a saintly image of heaven, but I'm also hopeful to avoid some of the awkward and embarrassing situations I heard about tonight. Fr. Steve's been a priest for all of 5 years, and he's already got "wedding stories" for any occasion. Hmmmm...well, whatever God gives me, I receive. I pray that any couples that get married on my watch realize that.

God, give me the grace to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. AMEN!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

2009-06-14T20:14:00.000-07:00

Another busy Sunday! I sadly woke up VERY late for the 8:00AM Mass; fortunately, servers and cantors were in no short supply, so my absence wasn't TOO conspicuous, even with the Eucharistic Procession at the end of Mass (it is the Solemnity of Corpus, after all!) The servers all did a fantastic job - including the man who had to do an emergency substitution for yours truly at the 6:30PM Mass. I had to make a quick "Communion call" to the Senior Center again. A deeply devout woman named Mary Anne hadn't received the Blessed Sacrament in quite some time and was very, very eager to finally receive Him again. She chewed my ear off for a good 90 minutes; it's not that I mind the time I spent (this woman has had 5 surgeries. That alone means that she's got some interesting stories to tell!); on the contrary, she really is probably the closest I've ever met to what many Catholics would call a "suffering soul" - someone who is, in effect, doing their time in purgatory here on earth she actually has a second-class relic that promises EXACTLY that to whoever owns it; don't take this "superstitious Catholic" stuff lightly, folks!). Between the various surgeries, constant pain, difficulty walking and using the bathroom, living with a severely mentally-handicapped daughter in need of constant care - all of the pieces are there. Yet she is HAPPY! She offers every ounce of this pain and suffering for the greater glory of God, and it shows! I felt absolutely privileged to be able to bring the Body of Christ to her on the Solemn Feast that celebrates precisely that!

Deacon Phil Bertolani wins the "best homily" award for this weekend; Fr. Steve takes second place with his excellent delivery during the 6:30PM mass, but Deacon Phil covered all the bases. Emphasizing the importance of the Real Presence and not shying away from the church as "bride of Christ" imagery makes for truly excellent homiletics. The fact that Deacon Phil lent me his "101 Questions & Answers on Deacons" book was just a bonus! :)

Lunch was pretty good today, as well - Luciano and Fr. O'Boyle took me ought to a local restaurant for a brunch buffet following the noon Mass; we stuck around till about 3:00 PM, and I got a nice little Holy our before napping at 4:00PM - I was actually very nearly late for my aforementioned Communion visit; having to track down the tabernacle keys didn't help things!

After the 6:30 mass came the real deal of the day, though - a party for Fr. Steve for his last 6:30 Mass, courtesy of the Ravenswood Catholic Young Adults Group! Pizza, pop, and cake. YUM! Having Sue, a blind parishioner, for dining company, was even better. I managed to advertise my gaming blog to a fellow parishioner, as well - here's hoping the game enthusiast finds something worthwhile!

And here's praying that God finds my conduct of this past Sunday worthwhile. May I do everything for His greater glory. Body of Christ, be my sustenance. AMEN!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

2009-06-13T21:31:00.001-07:00

Didn't get back to the rectory today until about 1:30 or so. Had traffic not been so awful (thank you torrential downpour!), I may have arrived a bit earlier, but as it turns out I really didn't have much to do until 4-ish anyway. I scheduled a Communion visit, had a bit of chit-chat with a brother seminarian, and updated my other blog a tad...but 4:00 came FAST, and with a vengeance!

Being the Solemnity of Corpus Christi and all, Luciano, the music Director, and Fr. Steve, the celebrant for the 5:00PM mass, were naturally quite busy trying to figure out how to work in the Eucharistic procession with the mass. Fr. Steve had his hands full; I'm sure he was more than a tad disappointed when I told him I was cantoring (meaning that I couldn't be Thurifer/incensor). To top it off, only 1 server showed up, and the candles we had planned to use literally fell apart when we tried to set them up! NOT cool.

But hey, I got to sing Pange Lingua, and Wyatt, our lone server, did a pretty good job being thurifer for a first-timer (and, seeing as I have yet to be a thurifer myself, I REALLY gotta give him props!). Hopefully I didn't scare him off with my accolades and constructive criticisms afterward. His dad seemed content, as well - the family recently suffered the death of a loved one, and I'm sure it's still on their minds. To any who read this blog: Please offer a prayer or two for Wyatt and his family!

I had a fairly prayerful evening till about 8:00Pm or so, when the aforementioned Luciano and Ursula, a cantor at St. Benedict, invited me out to a carnival at St. Bartholomew Parish. He introduced me to Fr. Jason (who I had met at a party the week previous), and I took the opportunity to ask him about a certain Fr. Dave Sadjak, a priest who, after a brief two-year stint at my home parish of St. Leonard, did another two-year term at St. Bart's immediately following. There have been all sorts of rumors about what exactly happened to him after that - though I was fairly close to Fr. Dave (he was my "priest sponsor"/spiritual director at my high school, Quigley) even I wasn't sure of his whereabouts since then. Fr. Jason told me what everyone had feared to be true: his father had passed away (requiescant in pace!) and that he was currently residing in Vancouver, British Columbia. He told me he'd send me Fr. Dave's e-mail; unfortunately, I didn't get Fr. Jason's contact info, so looks like I might have to do a little digging AGAIN. Ces't le vi.

God almighty, may everything I do be a testament to Your glory, power, and love. Never let me stray from you! Keep me close to You and keep me safe from all that can harm me. AMEN!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

2009-06-10T19:08:00.000-07:00

Another late start today - mass at 8:30AM, followed by Lauds and a quick breakfast. Mary Fitzgerald, the parish nurse, had scheduled a tour of the St. Vincent Depaul/Catholic Charities Senior Center for 10:00AM, so I couldn't afford to mess around too much.

It turns out that Liza, the Secretary at the Senior Center, is a St. Ben's parishioner who worked at the rectory for 10 years. She was more than happy to show me around the place with Mary Fitz, and I learned enough to know that the low-income seniors in the Irving/Lincoln Park area now have a very nice to live - and there's quite a few of them! Between St. Ben's very own Laboure House, the Martha Washington home, and this particular building, you'd think there would be enough living space for any and all Seniors in need (pardon my ignorance, but I like to think that in a town so Catholic, finding suitable living with FAMILY for the elderly wouldn't be so difficult). At any rate, seniors of all varieties and incomes have housing that is structured to fit their needs at all of these locations; rent is charged according to their own income, and the facilities make me wish I was 55 or older, that's for sure. There's even the Advocate Health Care Clinic right next door. The only problem? Even with all of these locations for seniors (and more less than a mile away!) There's actually a 2-4 year waiting list for applicants already! That's how many needy seniors there are in the city?!?!? I couldn't believe it!

A few minutes before we left (Mary Fitz was filling in Liza on all the parish gossip) Liza managed to give me her business card in case I could volunteer in the future. Though I'm sure volunteering here would be a bit of a tall order (and having volunteered at a nursing home just last summer, I do know a thing or two about it already), my schedule as of late has been freed up now that's school's out. I will have to seriously consider it alongside the other option of visiting patients at Resurrection Hospital, where I visited with Mary Fitz just last week.

I had lunch with two more college buddies (thank you Melissa and Christina!), and got back to the rectory just in time to find out that I had BARELY MISSED Kevin Walsh, the high school recruitment director. We had been trying to find each other for the past few days in regards to a LAN party for high school recruitment that's scheduled for tomorrow. I went to the high school to look for him. No luck. My voicemail was also empty when I got back. NOT good. I hope I can find him tomorrow, as video games and high school recruitment is familiar turf for me. I hope he didn't decide to cancel at the last minute!

Dinner came (salmon, with a side of zucchini and potatoes pancakes...not bad!) and went, with choir practice afterward. Looks like I'm filling in for the cantor on Saturday this weekend. It's nice to have the forewarning this time, that's for sure. Bonus: We're singing both the Tantum Ergo and the Pange Lingua for Corpus Christi (There's going to be a procession, too! w00t! Praised be Jesus Christ, now and forever!!!), though only the latter will be in latin. No matter, the music is beautiful regardless of what language the lyrics are sung in. Lord, have mercy on me and keep me in your radiant love forever. AMEN!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

2009-06-09T20:33:00.000-07:00

8:30 Mass again today, with nothing else following after; I had a quick breakfast and got ready for the "Day of Recollection" over at St. Hillary parish in Edgebrook, where about 8 other seminarians met with our supervisor, Fr. Paul Cao. I was glad to see all my brother seminarians again. I won't go into deep detail here, but after spending 4 ours or so I was, needless to say, very edified to hear about how everyone was surviving and discerning at their respective summer apostolates.

The rest of the day was fairly simple: A Wedding Music Rehearsal in the church began at around 8:00PM, and with the usual Tuesday night Bingo occupying the High School Gymnasium from 7 until 10PM or so. I bounced back and forth between the two, finally getting back to the rectory at about 10:30PM.

Not sure what else to write about tonight, despite the many goings-on...tomorrow looks to be another "slow" day, even with my scheduled visit to the Senior Center. Dear Lord, just help me to show up and get the job done. All things for your greater glory, ALWAYS. AMEN!

Monday, June 8, 2009

2009-06-08T19:40:00.000-07:00

After a very busy Sunday, I was very glad to have what was, for all practical purposes, a virtual "day off." I purposely slept in, knowing that there really wasn't going to be much for me to do early in the morning, especially now that school is no longer in session. After mass and morning prayer, I went off to the school to run some errands. I tried to find Kevin Walsh, the Recruitment Director for the High School, about the upcoming LAN party scheduled for this Thursday. He wasn't around, at outside of the regularly-scheduled mail pick-up, I really had absolutely nothing to do with my morning. I prayed a rosary and attempted to update my video game blog for the remainder of the morning. I also scheduled a visit to the St. Vincent Depaul/Catholic Charities Senior Center with the parish Nurse for Wednesday morning; I'll deal with that cross when I come to it.

At around 11:30 or so Fr. Steve knocked on my door with an invitation to come along to the Women's Center on Elston Avenue. Having been to this crisis pregnancy center once before, I was all too happy to oblige.

Fr. Steve said a beautiful mass at the chapel at the center (they recently expanded their adoration hours - it's now a perpetual adoration chapel, meaning, among other things, that the closing of the nearby abortion mill that spurred the creation of the Women's Center in the first place shouldn't be too far off. Praised be Jesus Christ, now and forever!

I prayed a decade of the rosary with a group of volunteers after the mass, and then Fr. Steve and I went back to St. Ben's just in time to catch the tail-end of lunch with the Elementary School teachers, who were busy in their post-school year evaluation with the principal, Rachel Gemo. We mooched off some of the leftover food, stuck around for about 20 minutes or so, and headed off back to the rectory.

I had the rest of the afternoon free; I once again attempted to read "Diary of a Country Priest," but fell asleep AGAIN after only 10 pages of reading (and this during the Hour of Mercy no less!). At least I have a good sleeping aid for the lonely nights now...

The Dinner bell (yes, we have a dinner bell here at the St. Ben's rectory!) rung at about 5:30, as usual. Tonight was the first night every priest here at St. Ben's was actually around for dinner! I felt like taking a photo or something. I still don't understand why the priests here don't spend more time together. It can get awfully lonely as a parish priest, even in (especially in!) the midst of city living, which fosters a certain kind of spiritual isolation courtesy of our individualistic culture. Just how do these priests do it? Is the day-to-day contact with parishioners really so taxing as to demand some "alone time" that even other priests dare not interfere? I don't get the impression that the priests here particularly dislike each other, unless they're putting up a facade because of me. But why would I make that kind of substantial difference? Besides, I would have seen at least SOME indication by now if the priests here had any bad blood between them. St. Benedict, Ora Pro Nobis!

Following dinner, I met Fr. Beaven over a Benfest meeting (the annual fundraiser/block party for the parish and schools); lots of interesting exchanges, but my favorite comes from a woman remarking about managing the scheduled outdoor mass with the scheduled appearance of a clown for the younger ones in another area of the parking lot. The group was trying to figure out just where exactly the clown could be during the celebration of the mass. "Can the clown help out at mass?" was her semi-facetious query. Deacon Phil, who was sitting right next to me, immediately burst into a bout of nervous laughter. I have a feeling both he and I were sharing the same pretentious anxiety about the liturgical nightmare that could envelop with or without the clown's participation. Oy!

In the midst of the automatic volunteering that inevitably becomes a part of being the parish's resident seminarian for the summer, I'm apparently signed up to help out with the "water and pop" tent at Benfest; Deacon Phil gave me some good pointers, as did a couple of the other attendees at the meeting. Not being particularly big with manual labor and checklist-variety maintenance work, I gotta admit that this particular job looks like it could be more than I bargained for. Already the butterflies are soaring in my stomach at the thought of having to deal with rude drunkards and noisy kids, with my hands chaffed with freezerburn as my skin boils beneath the sweltering summer sun. No doubt I'm going to have to learn to "let go and let God" in this situation and many others throughout the course of my life; trust in the Lord (which is really just a layman's way of citing the theological virtue of Hope) must take deeper root within me if I am to be an effective priest, or an effective ANYTHING, for that matter.

O God, I am heartfully sorry for having offended you, and I detest all my sins, because of your just punishments. Most of all, because I have offended you, my God, who are all good and deserving of all my love, I firmly resolve, with the help of your grace, to sin no more, and to avoid the near occasion of sin. AMEN!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

2009-06-07T20:22:00.000-07:00

A "cantoring crisis" at the 8:00AM mass this morning left out Music Director in a bit of a bind; the scheduled cantor had to cancel (and at the last-minute, naturally), and, with Fr. Beaven's permission, I became the replacement cantor for the mass! Hopefully the "morning modulation" that accompanied my singing wasn't too jarring for the congregation. As this nun knows all too well, however, Everything is for the greater glory of God, including my crummy singing voice. I'm just happy to do my part when I'm called to do so. That's vocation for ya!

Sometimes that's easier said than done, though. I mentioned my breakfast invite in an earlier entry - well, it started out as well as could be expected, considering that I was a guest at a party for a group of people whose "common thread" was some sort of active participation and/or leadership at St. Ben's at some point in the past. Many of them, for one reason or another, were no longer parishioners. This didn't present any obstacles to conversation and/or social improprieties, though my introversion naturally led me to being more or less a wallflower for most of the early part of the brunch. I was still managing to enjoy myself at least mildly, however, with Fr. O'Boyle, Ben, the man who had originally invited me, and Janette, a fellow choir member, doing their part to introduce me to the rest of the group. I met Ellen, a former rectory staffer, who I quickly discovered to be the comedian of the group (and a very good one at that!). I also met Kent, the host, who's quite the cook if I do say so myself. As good as the cooking was, however, things took a turn for the worst as more and more drinks were served. Apparently being the new seminarian on the block doesn't dissuade these St. Ben's vets from talking about their issues with church teaching in rather explicit terms and in very dramatic ways. I don't think they were deliberately trying to make me uncomfortable and/or get my take on the various issues, but the end result was that I was made EXTREMELY uncomfortable in a circumstance where I was, in the first place, merely content. As much as I appreciate the invitation, I really can't imagine going to a brunch with this group again, truth be told. Quite the pastoral challenge, at any rate. By the grace of God I hope I can do more than sit in silence the next time a situation like this arises again. Jesus, I trust in You!

Dinner turned out to be a far more palatable affair; I managed to hook up with the Ravenshood Catholic Young Adults Group, along with Fr. Steve and Mike, a brother seminarian and fellow Quigley alumnus. Now, THIS was a group I felt far more "at home" with. My age group? Check. Totally into defending the faith? Check. Totally interested in talking about it? Check. Totally into Jesus? Check! God Bless the whole lot of them!

Really, I don't understand why there's such a movement to "modernize" everything in the church - be it music, liturgy, doctrine, you name it - when the young, devout Catholics want nothing of the sort! They dig the "red meat" homilies chock full of deep theology; they love devotions like Eucharistic adoration and the rosary. I suspect many would assume the older crowd would be the one to fit the latter description, whilst the young would be the ones eager to berate and belabor their particular problems with the church. Well, for the upteenth time, I am discovering the REVERSE to be true. Not that it matters much in the long run; every soul that is saved gives glory to God, and EVERY soul, including my own, needs saving. Praised be Jesus Christ now and forever! AMEN!

Saturday, June 6, 2009

2009-06-06T18:12:00.000-07:00

Not once, but twice I intended to go to mass today, and not once, but twice did circumstances either force me to skip mass altogether or come in far later than what should ever be acceptable. After my day off yesterday (I saw "Up" and "Night at the Museum" in celebration of the commencement of my brothers' summer vacation), my dad drove me back to St. Ben's this morning, arriving with about 15 minutes to spare before the 8:30AM mass. I told him that I'd meet him inside the church after running some errands in the rectory; unfortunately, I couldn't finish off everything in time, and it was well after 8:30 by the time I had everything sorted out. I decided to pray the daily Office and wait until 9:00, when I was scheduled to volunteer to decorate the church with some other lay volunteers. I arrived just in time to see my dad off and welcome in a wedding photographer, who was arriving early to prepare for an 11:30 wedding, which, to the surprise of both Fr. Steve and myself, would coincide with the scheduled Saturday time slot for Reconciliation.

No matter. Ann (who I had met at a previous meeting) Julie (a young mother who is expecting another child!) and I worked for nearly 2 hours decorating the church; an abundance of green plants now decorate the altar area, which, I think, is quite fitting considering the liturgical season we've just entered (priests wear green vestments for mass during Ordinary time). We finished just in time for me to do a bit of spring cleaning in my room before Reconciliation at 11:30. I waited until after Confession before I had anything to eat; I'm surprised I didn't pig out later tonight at dinner, all things considered.

My free afternoon was spent playing video games until the Hour of Mercy; after finishing off my daily devotions, I began reading Diary of a Country Priest again - only to fall asleep while reading. This is the second time this has happened, and I really wish I knew why I have this strange propensity to begin with. The book certainly isn't boring (in fact, I can't imagine a better book for a seminarian to be reading during an apostolate, especially at a parish!), so it's really frustrating that I can't even get through a full chapter without falling asleep! Heck, I'm lucky I'm past the page 50. Mrs. Marge, the Secretary at the school, really wants to borrow it to, and since it's on loan from Fr. Steve, who's leaving in only a month for his new parish assignment, I've got a lot of reading to do in the coming days!

By the time I woke up from my afternoon nap it was after 5:00PM - mass! Luciano, I was sure, was expecting me to sing with the choir and/or cantor; clearly this was NOT happening today. I washed up in time to arrive for Fr. O'Boyle's homily; I saw Sue again, who greeted me quite jovially during the Sign of Peace. This, combined with the fact that we sang "Holy God We Praise Thy Name" for the recessional, made my grumpy post-nap mood evaporate quite quickly. Luciano seemed genuinely surprised when I talked to him after mass, but it didn't seem to me that he was particularly distressed, either. In fact, he was quite understanding. Hopefully I'll be able to make up for my absence at the masses tomorrow!

I had to have dinner alone tonight, though I didn't particularly mind (pasta, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!) That will NOT be happening tomorrow, given my brunch date with a certain group of parishioners following the 10:00AM mass. I'm looking forward to it! Hopefully I won't make too much of a fool of myself!

Lord, give me strength to overcome Satan's temptations throughout the day tomorrow. By your saving grace,stifle my pride and grant me eternal life with you. Jesus, I trust in you. AMEN!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

2009-06-04T16:57:00.000-07:00

I'm glad I managed to wake up for 6:30AM mass today! It's the first time I've done so in nearly a week (more proof that I'm letting my internship become too much of a "routine"?), and I'm glad I managed to do so. It gave me ample time to pray Morning Lauds and the Office of Readings, AND eat breakfast, AND greet the schoolchildren as they headed off to their last full day of school - the end-of-the-year picnic, to which I was a happy guest!

My trek with grade 3 over to the park was so silent as to be distressing - more loneliness. Fortunataely that changed when I found a way to occupy myself by unloading food, blankets, and sports equipment from the minivans of teachers and parent chaperones eager to see their children enjoy a day in the warm sunshine!

Fortunately today's weather was perfectly accomodating to such a desire, as a cool breeze supplemented 60-ish degree weather with enough sunshine to slightly burn my (albeit sensitive) skin. I managed to read a bit of "Diary of a Country Priest," a novel I borrowed from Fr. Steve, until my proximity to a junior high kickball game managed to get me recruited first as a "pinch-kicker" and then as the umpire. I'm glad I remembered to wear my gym shoes, and I know that the two 8th grade teachers as well as the principal were happy to have me aboard.

My afternoon visit with Helen Schott turned into a more...how should I describe it..."psycho-spiritual" affair? This remarkable woman chewed my ear off for nearly 3 hours, sharing stories of her 88+ years here on planet earth and her spiritual journey towards Christ. She is truly the "matriarch" of St. Ben's parish, having lived through the Great Depression, the Cold War, 4 Chicago Archbishops and countless Pastors while living in Irving Park. Though she is no longer active in the parish due to her age and health, she has a plethora of wisdom to share with anyone willing to take the time to listen. I am very blessed to have had the privilege of sharing some of my time with her on her birthday. Thank you Helen! God bless you!

I managed to squeeze in a rosary in between that visit and my dinner, though I did fall asleep as I did so. Recalling the words of a brother seminarian ("When you fall asleep, your guardian angel finishes the rosary for you,") I enjoyed a scrumptious (though perhaps slightly overly indulgent) dinner, and after a 2-hour hiatus, got recruited to do a little church redecorating with Debbie and her two daughters. She must be a holy woman to be able to put up with my klutzy knot-tying and non-existent sense of aesthetics. It took us over an hour to get everything fixed up, but the church certainly looks the better for it, and her kids behaved very well despite the circumstances that would seem to indicate otherwise (Would you want to spend your evening watching grown-ups hang up fake flowers in a church? Especially if you were a 4th grader?) Debbie tells me one of them is already considering religious life. She fell asleep right behind the altar as we were hanging up the flowers; perhaps this is a forbearance of things to come?

The young and the old, praise the Lord; you heavens, bless the Lord; everything growing from the earth, bless the Lord; Bless the Lord, oh my Soul, and all my being praise his Holy Name Forever. AMEN!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

2009-06-03T18:05:00.000-07:00

Quite possibly the shortest work day ever. A funeral at 10:30AM (and I only had to sing in the choir for that; no committal this time) and that's it! I did run a few errands in between a lunch outing with a college friend (Thanks Larry!), but as it turned out, contrary to my initial understanding, I didn't need to show up to the pre-school "graduation" after all...so I didn't. It's the first time thus far I've deliberately NOT ATTENDED a parish event, and in some ways, it has me concerned. Is this life finally starting to become "routine" in the worst way possible? Am I becoming jaded and cynical to the point where I think that some parish going-on are a waste of time? For that matter, if this is indeed the case, is that a BAD thing?

Tomorrow, I've got a lunch date with an elderly parishioner who, I'm told, LOVES seminarians. I received a rather surprising affirmation of this when I called her this afternoon. When I introduced myself as the resident seminarian, she immediately replied "so when are you coming to visit me?" Talk about a warm welcome! It's her birthday, too...maybe I should get her a gift?

The other highlight of my day, besides having oodles of time to work on some "seminary stuff," was the lovely little letter dropped off in my mailbox at the rectory today. I've been invited out to breakfast with a group of 10:00AM mass regulars!

Suffice it to say this Sunday now looks radically different from my first two weekends here. W00t! My first breakfast invite! Does that mean I'm "part of the block" now? As I told Larry as we walked by a young grade-schooler who confidently waved at me, "I'm either famous or infamous." Here's hoping it's the former, and I think this note proves that I am! Thank you Lord for this day! Grant me strength and courage as I move forward with my discernment here at St. Benedict's Parish. May I increase in the virtues of faith, hope and love each and every day I'm here. AMEN!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

2009-06-02T20:06:00.000-07:00

I slept in for a second day in a row today; as it turned out, it didn't matter too much in the long run, as I still had ample time to wash up, eat breakfast, etc. before heading out to the school. Fr. Steve and I shared a nice breakfast conversation about politics, of all things (who wants to know some juicy details about wannabe congressman John Fritchey?). If nothing else, it woke me up. What a way to start the morning!

I needed the wake-up call, however, for the meeting with Patrick O' Rourke of Resurrection Hospital. To make a long story short, after an rather..."interesting" set of ethical conundrums at a hospital visit my first week here at St. Ben's, the parish nurse here at the rectory, Mary Fitzgerald, thought that it would do me some good to speak to this man - as the resident medical ethicist at the hospital well versed in Catholic medical ethics (he was even in the seminary for three years himself), he could answer my questions about Catholic medical ethics. This isn't the "Catholic Bioethics Blog," after all, so I will not go into the nitty-gritty details of the meeting here, but suffice it to say, it was certainly worthwhile. I look forward to touring the St. Vincent DePaul Center with the parish nurse next week.

Brief errands consumed the remainder of my day, though I did manage to help set-up for Tuesday night BINGO (I'm a regular over there, now...one of the ladies has even taken to calling me "handy Andy"). Hopefully I was a help to the maitenance guys as opposed to a hindrance. They can't seem to catch a break from the other people around the block, so I'm hoping that a little help here and there brings a little bit of Light to their lives. We all need it, and they are no exception.

There was also a (fairly) brief Athletic Department meeting; the principal of the Elementary School, Rachel Gemo, commented upon my arrival: "Wow, Andy! You're here for the Athletic Board meeting. Fr. Beaven must not like you much!"

Well, it wasn't all that bad, actually. Sure, it didn't involve the high-strung financeers at the High School Board meeting, or the spiritual discussion at the Pastoral Council, but I was glad to see SOME committee at the parish were, for once, the majority of attendees were men. Do women REALLY do EVERYTHING at parishes? I have yet to encounter a parish where this isn't the case! Is it just a "motherly" thing that I can't possibly understand? Is it a problem that men, with the exception of the priests, seem to be generally less involved with the running of the parish? I'll be pondering this as I crawl into bed tonight. There's a funeral for a beloved member of the St. Benedict's tomorrow. I won't be doing the committal, but even with the brief time I spent with this particular woman, I understand why she was so beloved to the parish. May she rest in peace. AMEN!

Monday, June 1, 2009

2009-06-01T19:18:00.000-07:00

I woke up late today - I usually spend my mornings opening car doors for parents dropping their kids off at school (or at last for the past few days or so) and I had every intention of doing so today. Unfortunately, oversleeping left me up a creek without a paddle, so I had to delay breakfast and wash up quickly enough to go to the 8th grade graduation Mass at 8:30 AM (since, having overslept, I missed my usual 6:30AM Mass rendezvous!).

The Mass was actually pretty "standard" - a term which, as everyone knows, I HATE using to describe something as holy and sublime as the Mass - just a quaint little procession for the departing 8th graders before and after the mass. Fr. Beaven gave them an excellent homily with plenty of them to ponder; he touched upon the necessity of "metaphorical death" (Christ crucified!) and made sure they all knew that he was proud of them, wishing them the very best for a bright future.

For my part, I sang with the 7th grade choir. I'm sure the 20-something year-old looked perfectly normal with the jittery group of tweens and their two teachers, plus one church cantor brought along to help out with the event. Regardless, I sang, AGAIN. And I will sing, sing to Lord for his goodness to me, all the days of my life!
Bless the Lord, O my soul!

The rest of the morning involved a few errands here and there, as did the afternoon. I had enough time to sneak in some reading for the "course," and I grabbed lunch at the fast-food joint across the street from the church. All in all, a very quiet day after that; just a few more errands here and there, and I had plenty of time to pray in front of the Blessed Sacrament. There was one point where an 8th grader practicing for the ceremony later in the evening unintentionally interrupted me with his rather superb drumming skills (the tabernacle at St. Ben's is located in a little chapel that can't be seen from most parts of the church, so he couldn't have known I was there!); but he and I both had nearly finished with our respective activities at that point, and I am proud to say this graduate was one of two in his class to receive the Andy Kirchoff/Fr. Steve Bauer Vocation Awar- I mean, the Quigley Scholars Brochure. Fr. Steve and I talked briefly at dinner tonight about any potential 8th grade boys who might be good candidates for the Archdiocese's Quigley Scholars, a discernment program aimed at High School age youth (and specifically created to replace Quigley Preparatory Seminary, my alma mater, which closed just two years ago). So, to Chris, the drummer, and Andreas, the 8th grader who is more curious about the priesthood than anyone your age I've ever met: May the Holy Spirit help you two, in particular, to discover your vocations, whatever they may be. Congratulations to the St. Benedict School Class of 2009!

Sunday May 31, 2009

2009-05-31T19:45:00.000-07:00

Another LONG Sunday. Mass at 8:00, 10:00, 12:00, and 6:30PM (and, just like last week, I either served or sang at each one, minus the 6:30PM), but with the added bonus of having to direct church patrons for a wedding followed by a choir concert in the afternoon. I recall almost falling asleep numerous times throughout the day (especially during the concert; I feel slightly ashamed about this, as the music was, in all honesty, breathtakingly beautiful. It's just a shame that my "breath taking" was manifest both audibly and visibly in my frequent yawning!). This is strange, considering that I didn't get enormous amounts of physical exercise, but I am certainly very tired tonight, more so than I have been in awhile.

But enough bellyaching! I'm a Christian. I preach Christ crucified. That means no whining on my part!

Anyway, I guess seeing as today is Pentecost Sunday, I can't be surprised that I had such a plethora of work to do. Even when I thought I had a couple of minutes of time off in the afternoon, something kept dragging me back to work; chalk one up to the Holy Spirit on that one. "Inspiring" is a word for it, I guess, though the modern connotation of that particular word does miss the point, IMO. By "inspiration," I don't mean some kind of mind control, nor do I mean the cozy warm fuzzies we get when we get a good idea and chalking it up as divine "inspiration". The Inspiration I'm talking about comes at really odd times, ESPECIALLY inconvenient times. It pushes one to abandon what seemed like a good idea at the time for something that, though unquestionably good from an objective point of view, still requires us to give up something we think we'd rather have. Today, "inspiration" came from surfing the internet briefly to discover the News Headline regarding the murder of abortionist George Tiller. As a very pro-life individual, I deplore his murder and the murders he committed; what was initially a foray into some good ol' R&R turned into a rosary for the repose of his soul a the 6:30 mass that evening. THAT, I think, is genuine Inspiration: the gifts of the Holy Spirit at work in us, compelling us to bear fruit for God's glory. In this case, it was a spiritual act of mercy; maybe tomorrow, it will be something else. Either way, this Pentecost will not be soon forgotten. I am a daily rosary devotee, but it's rare that I pray it as "well" as I did today. May God have mercy on us and protect us all! Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of Your Faithful. AMEN!

Saturday, May 30, 2009

2009-05-30T20:15:00.000-07:00

Learning how to properly utilize a "day off" is doubtlessly going to be one of the most daunting tasks of this summer. It's not that they don't come often enough; it's just that with loads of downtime in between the usual activities of the day (which simultaneously tends to come at a very abrupt end, as I'm quickly discovering), it's hard to employ this time in ways that will serve to edify me spiritually as well as those around me. I haven't had any trouble finding time to pray the daily Office, and I've kept up with my daily rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet. However, there's still the unexpected quiet times - the Saturday evenings following the 5:00PM mass, for example - where no one else is around at the rectory and no parish activity is there to occupy my time, either. It's times like these, I'm discovering, where extreme loneliness strikes. Sometimes even trying to "pray my way" through it doesn't quite work. I feel as though there's something that needs to be done, some unfinished task that must be completed.

It could be that I simply can't bear the thought of being alone, but as an introvert, such a diagnosis seems awfully unlikely. There's a really dreadful sort of emptiness in these moments that I can't quite explain. I don't think it's fair to call it a simple fear of being alone, and it's certainly not a "dark night of the soul" ass described by people like St. John of the Cross. It's days like today, where the only "work" I had was to attend the school dance recital and the 5:00PM mass, where it strikes the most. Is it the idea that I'm not useful? That I'm not loved? That I am not loving?

Whatever it is, I can only imagine what it must be for an ordained priest to live through this day after day. I don't know how the priests here at St. Ben's do it! I never see them really chatting with each other outside of dinner and before mass; they seem to keep to themselves. For my part, I made sure to call up another seminarian buddy for dinner to keep myself in check. We briefly mentioned this same topic and he mentioned the advice of a certain Fr. Ted Ross, a Jesuit spiritual director who specifically warned us all at a retreat this past winter about the loneliness of the priesthood. I don't think any of us quite understood what he meant at that point; I certainly didn't. Nights like tonight, however, are helping me to at least begin to understand ever so slightly.

So what is the cure to this loneliness? The "magic bullet" to any form of spiritual darkness is Jesus; people dismiss this as a cliche, "feel-good" aphorism, but there is definitely truth to it. Some people flee to bar scenes only to cry and moan from a hangover the next morning; some try to grasp a cure in money and material possessions, and it does, at the very least, give them some security for awhile. But they are rarely, if ever, satisfied, and they die off leaving behind nothing but piles of green paper in their wake.

But it isn't always easy to just "let go and let God," even when I'm cooped up in a rectory (of all places!). Having already finished a rosary and other prayers, what more can I do that will cure this ache? I can't just drown my sorrows in books and video games; that's just a slightly less scenic and slightly less individualistic version of the "bar scene" route. There must be SOME way out of it...what is it?

Dear Lord, help me find the cure to loneliness! I know it must surely be You, but finding you amidst darkness is harder than trying to find a needle in a haystack...or is it? Are these the moments in which You are "waiting in plain site?" Please, in all things, in all times, both good and bad, never, ever lead me away from You! AMEN!!!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

2009-05-28T20:18:00.000-07:00

Pretty uneventful Thursday...after opening car doors at the elementary school as students were dropped off by their parents for the day, I grabbed the mail from the front desk of the school for the rectory staff to sort and spent the morning doing a bit of much-needed reading. I wish I could have said it was entirely spiritual, but being a junkie for politics, I spent an inordinate amount of time browsing websites like realclearpolitics and politico. On the plus side, I DID manage to work out a little worksheet for a presentation scheduled for 11:40 that day - Fr. Steve, Associate Pastor here at St. Ben's, planned to show the excellent vocation promotion video Fishers of Men, followed an investiture of the class into the scapular. They all eagerly put it on, and a couple who were already familiar with this beautiful devotion instructed the others in the proper wearing of the scapular, too. Not at all like the 8th grade I graduated from not even a decade ago! I don't think that even I knew what a scapular was at that age, and I was without question the "goody-two-shoes" and "holy roller" of my class. If I didn't know that, I doubt anyone else in my class did!

The class seemed generally receptive to the movie and Fr. Steve's follow-up questions, but I wasn't satisfied with the amount of time given to the questions afterward. I also felt as though someone a little younger, someone not so far removed from the educational system, might "lower their guard" a bit - I wanted to get the Holy Spirit to set the hearts of these newly confirmed Catholics on FIRE! Alas, the all-school Award Ceremony was about to begin, and it looked as though my scheduled talk with grade 8 was not gonna happen after all. Mrs. McCue and Mr Dalton, the two homeroom teachers, graciously granted me permission to stay after the all-school award ceremony to talk with the class a bit longer.

The Awards ceremony itself was quaint and professional. Fr. Beaven dressed formally, which I'm sure the parents and teachers, though perhaps not the students, appreciated very much. Rachel, the principal, seemed geniunely pleased with how quickly the event transpired, as well; the ceremony lasted just over an hour - a new record, according to her.

For my part, I sat in the back watching (mostly) nameless faces (well, nameless to me, anyway, until teachers announced their names as they came forward for awards) receive countless certificates of achievement. Self-esteem is well-guarded at this school. Hopefully the kids aren't spoiled by it - but if 8th grade is any indication, the students at St. Benedict's know that the world doesn't revolve around them, and this is something EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOW BEFORE STARTING HIGH SCHOOL. A little humility goes a long way - something I found out at the ceremony today, when I kindly asked a woman sitting in front of me to remove her hat, as we WERE in church. Though I did preface my request with an obligatory "I don't mean to be rude..." quip (it seemed like the pastoral thing to do after about 10 minutes of wavering on whether or not to ask the woman the question in the first place), she responded that she was on chemotherapy and consequently would NOT be removing her hat. I apologized immediately at that point and made sure to talk to her again once the ceremony had concluded - she was quite friendly and it seems as though we're both on good terms now. She's the proud parent of two kids at the school; I pray for her and her children as they cope with the cross of cancer in their lives. I'm glad that true humility - what God wanted, rather than what would have kept me most comfortable - won out at the end. I would never have met this woman if I hadn't asked an uncomfortable but necessary question, and it worked out for the good of both of us at the end.

My return back to grade 8 was bound to be brief - I knew that I had very little time with them befoer dismissla, but I also knew that I didn't need very much time, anyway. I wasn't there to promote myself. I was there as an instrument of the Holy Spirit; I was to do my part to promote vocations, nothing more, nothing less. I hope my 10 minute "grill the seminarian" session did the trick. Plenty of good questions all around, but one student in particular seemed VERY interested in what I call the "business of discernment." I told him what I told Mrs. McCue during the pizza lunch we had with the class following the showing of "Fishers of Men": one of the early signs of a priestly vocation is a hearty appetite. Considering this guy had just devoured nearly an entire pizza for lunch, I think he was able to catch the hint. His curiosity and openness at his age reminds me very much of my own interest in the priesthood during 8th grade and my decision to attend Quigley Seminary; perhaps the Holy Spirit will work to bring this young man down the same path I now trod? Even if he doesn't, I hope that both he and the entire 8th grade learn the value of their vocations; we need more holy men and women now more than ever, and as
Papa John Paul II (soon to be JPII the Great!) said, "Do you think there can be anything greater than to bring Jesus to people and people to Jesus?" How can this happen if we don't have the courage to respond to the vocation given to each of us? Lord Jesus, by the vocation you have instilled in each of us, bring all of us closer to you! AMEN!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

2009-05-27T19:48:00.000-07:00

I did yet another committal today; I'm told it will be my last for a good week or so. It really is starting to become routine, so I'm glad I'll be taking a break from it. The last thing I want is for something solemn and sacred to become routine - alas, if I become a priest, celebrating Mass WILL be routine. For that matter, attending daily mass is already a daily activity for me, as well. I guess the problem isn't making the sacred "routine" - on the contrary, the more we come into contact with the sacred, the closer we are to our ultimate union with Christ in heaven - but there's something about any making any action "routine" that automatically makes it terribly mundane. Hence why an maintaining an interior disposition receptive to God's grace is so important! Every moment is a gift from God! Every moment is sacred!

Upon my arrival back to St. Ben's, Pastoral Associate Mike O'Malley invited me out to a lunch with the "Ministry of Praise" - a group of parishioners who work to communicate with the homebound to keep them informed of the goings-on at the parish. Sr. Emmanuel (a Franciscan who has been in her Order for over 50 years!) and Sally, a woman whose extended family has been at St. Benedict's for generations, made a delightful lunch for Mike and I. Both of them are extraordinarily healthy for their advanced age, not to mention independent. For a good portion of the afternoon, we worked to organize a bulletin for the 40-50 seniors - writing petitions, picking out comic strips, mulling over current and future parish events - all in all, an afternoon well-spent. It was also a powerful lesson in learning about the importance of the "behind-the-scenes" parishioners. The mystical Body of Christ is made up of many members, and each member is endowed with specific gifts to keep the entire body functioning. As important as the principal at the high school or the pastor of the parish may be, they need other parishioners as much as other parishioners need them. Cliche as it may sound, we are all connected - so long as we stay in Christ.

The same applies for Choir practice, too. There's quite an eclectic group of people comprising the choir here at St. Benedict's, buts that a GOOD thing. One minute, we're talking about American Idol; the next, you're speaking about praying outside abortion clinics and signing up for Eucharistic adoration. It goes a long way in keeping the sacred from becoming routine!

Heavenly Father, bring us closer to you in every activity of our day. Grant that we may find you in every moment of life you have given us. May everything we do glorify you, the only One truly worthy of being glorified, Lord forever and ever. AMEN!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

2009-05-26T20:07:00.000-07:00

Writing up some reports for the seminary last night (this internship is being taken for class credit, after all!) left me slightly sleep deprived this morning, but I still made it to 6:30AM mass and spent some time with Jesus immediately following. There's no better way to start the day, and I hope that, whether as a priest or as a married man or as a consecrated religious, I continue to foster this devotion to our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament throughout my life. I think the second graders Ispoke to today received that message loud and clear! I still remember the shock on their faces as I told them the story of Blessed Alexandrina, who, for 13 years, consumed solely the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Jesus as her daily bread. Having just received their first Holy Communion, these children need to know that the Eucharist is indeed everything that the Catholic Church says it is. It cannot be reduced to some vague symbol of humanity or any other mundane thing; such a sacrilege is unacceptable in a secular age that is starving for Christ. I'm glad Fr. Steve was able to reassure me that these kids had already learned about the rosary back in the fall - the "refresher course" I gave them will, I am sure, keep them linked to Christ in the Blessed Sacrament through the intercession of His Blessed Mother. The teachers were also very pleased to have me visit; they encouraged me to stay to field questions from the students - something which I'm glad I did. I only hope I supplied them with some satisfactory answers! It's amazing what 2nd graders can and WILL ask you if you give them a chance. They wanted to know the nitty-gritty details about everything from school to rectory living to Sacraments and spirituality. I remember how shocked to find out that I went to Mass everyday - I have to admit, in second grade, I couldn't imagine going to mass everyday, either. Look where I am now! The Lord works in mysterious ways. Hopefully when I speak to the 8th grade with Fr. Steve on Thursday about vocations and the Holy Spirit, God will provide a similar grace to bring them closer to Him.

I did another "Rite of Committal" today, as well. Today's was a gravesite committal - I saw the body being "laid to rest," as it were - and there is a certain poignancy about this mundane exercise (excuse the pun) that amplifies the spiritual element of the Rite. It has been said that the Resurrection of the Body is the most widely attacked teaching of the Christian religion. For some reason, seeing a body being buried in the ground and being covered with dirt didn't challenge my belief in this particular teaching at all. I'm not sure if it "validated" o "strengthened" it, either, but I can't help but think the death of a loved one must be a challenge for many professing Christians, Catholic or not. I'm sure the apostles felt the same way at the ignominious death of Christ. But as St. Paul says in his letter to the Corinthians:

"...For since death came through a human being, the resurrection of the dead also came through a human being. For just as in Adam all die, so too in Christ shall all be brought to life, but each one in the proper order: Christ the firstfruits; then, at His coming, those who belong to Christ; then comes the end, when he hands over his kingdom to His Father." (15:20-23)

This theological argument for the resurrection really "speaks" to me. I had the privilege of reading this at the funeral mass today before the committal; Reading it again now, I'm glad that I have the privilege and blessing of sharing it with all of you, as well. St. Paul's writings offer the argument that God's omnipotence necessarily dictates power over death; the subjection of death is the only way God can truly be "all in all" (Corinthians 24b-28). As I continue throughout the week and indeed, the rest of my earthly life, help me, O Lord, to recall to mind that your bodily resurrection is the key to my own eternal life. May the Living Bread of Life always keep me connected to the One I love - whether I'm in high school board meetings, calling cards in bingo halls, running errands in elementary schools, or eating dinner in parish rectories - forever and ever. AMEN!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

2009-05-24T18:46:00.000-07:00

Today I attended EVERY. SINGLE. SCHEDULED. SUNDAY. MASS. All 4 of ‘em. 8:00AM, 10:00AM, noon, and 6:30 PM. I served as an acolyte for the 8:00 AM – by the time it had dawned upon everyone in the sacristy that the scheduled server was NOT coming, it was 4 minutes to the hour, and I scarcely had time to don my cassock and surplus. Fr. Steve graciously allowed me to be a crossbearer, as well, and all in all, my first time serving as acolyte at St. Ben’s was quite successful. Shame that I forgot to ring the bells at the moment of transubstantiation. I got multiple comments from parishioners about that afterward. Won’t forget that again!

I sang with the choir at the remaining morning mass and at 12 noon. Luciano, the Music Director here at St. Benedict, seems very pleased to have me aboard. Hopefully this out-of-tune tenor (me, not Luciano) remembers to give glory to God before himself. One of the more awkward moments throughout the day was when I had to stand during the consecration – I can forgive myself for forgetting the bells, but I CAN’T STAND not kneeling during the consecration. The veil of the sanctuary is torn, heaven and earth are brought together; a new covenant is made between God and man, and the source and summit of Christian life (thank you Pope John Paul II) is made present before our very eyes. I had BETTER show some outward sign that I acknowledge this fact. To neglect to do so would be one of the most profound mistakes one could make. I cringe at the fact that I only could make a head bow. Knowing that many other Catholics in the pews in parishes across the world seem completely unaware of the real significance of this sacred mystery in front of them saddens me greatly. Both as a seminarian and (God willing) as a priest, I will make sure that the Eucharist is treated with the respect and devotion it deserves. There can be nothing as important as this, if the Eucharist TRULY is Jesus Christ. If not, well, as Flannery O’Connor said: “To Hell with it!”

Another poignant lesson I learned today was the importance of courage. Despite my rantings about the importance of the Eucharist, despite how much I insist that every Christian must be willing to do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING for Jesus, there was a time today when I couldn’t even muster the guts to say “hi.” Around 5:00 PM, following an afternoon stroll, I was looking around the church to find the location of the reception immediately following the 6:30 PM mass (which is actually coordinated by a group of individuals from 4 different parishes in the Irving Park/Ravenswood area), where, I was told, the Ravenswood Catholic Youth Group would meet to discuss upcoming summer events. Being a “young adult” myself, this sounded like it was right up my alley, and I was very excited to meet everyone involved. Yet when I entered the church, all I saw were some unfamiliar faces practicing for the upcoming mass. I ignored them because I thought the meeting would be in the parish basement. I went to the basement, and, discovering that no one was currently around, went back upstairs. Rather than inquiring with the practicing choir, however, I decided to “save face” and simply go back to the rectory, where I promptly drowned my regrettable failure to simply ASK A QUESTION in Oreo cookies and video games until the 6:30 mass.

If I can’t muster the courage to simply ask questions, how can I possibly be an effective witness for Christ? Christians say that they’ll die for Him all the time; even the supposedly secularized youth of the country still join facebook groups proudly proclaiming their willingness to die for Jesus, and bulletins featuring similar motifs commonly circulate through the realms of myspace and other social networking sites, as well. I can’t judge the sincerity of the actions of these individuals, but I can say with certainty that my unwillingness to do something simple surely also means that I am unable to do greater things. Scripture actually affirms this message in no uncertain terms in Luke’s gospel: “…the person who is trustworthy in very small matters is also trustworthy in great ones; and the person who is dishonest in very small matters is also dishonest in great ones” (Luke 16: 9-10).

Hopefully my attendance at the 6:30 Mass and the reception afterward redeem me somewhat. A certain Fr. Terry, of St. Matthias parish (not the Augustinian mentioned in yesterday’s posting), said the Mass; while I was disappointed in his “look at me!” style of prayer (there’s nothing worse in a priest, IMO), I can see why he is beloved by so many people. He preaches the Word with a liveliness that reminds the other Mass attendees that Christ is the LIFE. He is also very friendly and outgoing – the opposite of the “I-always-look-like-I’m-sucking-on-lemons” priest stereotype that many Catholics seem so familiar with. After meeting him and many others at the reception afterwards, I will be sure to pray for him as he moves out to Holy Family parish in Inverness. May God bless him and keep him safe.

At the reception, I met Greg, a 40-something year-old who, like me, has certain wallflower tendencies at social events (hence how I managed to gather up the courage to start talking to the man!). Turns out he’s recently been part of a workshop for older men interested in the priesthood; he mentioned it to me after I told him of my living situation at the rectory. I know better than to think such a conversation is a coincidence! Here’s hoping Chicago has another “late bloomer” in Greg!

I also met another St. Matthias parishioner who shall remain unnamed. We spoke about rosary devotion. I’m glad to see that this powerful prayer hasn’t died out in the great city of Chicago yet! May devotion to Our Blessed Mother and her Holy Son increase!

I also had the privilege of connecting with Carla and Stephanie, the two ladies-in-chief of the Ravenswood Catholic Young Adults. Looks like I’ll be joining their softball league, among other things. Should be fun, and I NEED the exercise. All in all, a very satisfying and grace-filled day. For tomorrow, when I get a much-appreciated (though perhaps not so well-deserved) break from St. Ben’s, I ask you, O Lord, for the grace of discernment and courage even in relaxation. May I never forget that the way of the cross is the way of salvation. AMEN!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

2009-05-23T19:41:00.000-07:00

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Congratulations to the Archdiocese of Chicago’s Ordination Class of 2009! For the 9 men who comprise this group, today is undoubtedly one of the most unforgettable days of their lives – it’s comparable to a wedding, both in terms of its theological significance and the pomp and circumstance surrounding the event. Invite only? Check. Formal attire? Required (much to my dismay – I had to borrow a dress shirt from a brother seminarian this morning just to make the cut!). Ceremony and reception packed with hordes of people? Check. All that’s missing are the bride and groom – and, as these men are to be ordained to act in persona Christi capitis – “in the person of Christ, the head” – to serve his bride, the church, it’s not unfair to say that they are, in a certain sense, the “groom” at this “wedding” (this is, by the way, one of the reasons the Catholic Church only ordains men to priesthood. A woman can’t be a groom!). They are called “Father” as a reminder of their role to spiritual guide Christ’s flock to Him; they are to be spiritual fathers to the children of God, and with the entire congregation (laypeople, priests, bishops, consecrated religious, and His Eminence Cardinal Francis George) praying for them, I know these men will, by God’s grace, do just that. They are now priests forever, ordained to be servants of Holy Mother Church! I can think of nothing so profoundly powerful and existentially amazing than this. The entire mission of a Christian is to become more Christ-like on a day-to-day basis. If the Catholic understanding of priesthood is accepted, how can one possibly get any closer to the Lord in this life than to be ordained a priest?

Even during my high school days in the minor Seminary, where discerning young men were guided by the Rule of St. Benedict – Ora et Labora – “prayer and work” (hence this blog’s name), I wanted this. I find it no coincidence that, halfway through my formation in the Chicago Seminary system, (6 years since I first entered, and 6 more years, God willing, before my ordination), I find myself at a parish whose patron is none other than the man who prayerfully lived this life, sharing Christ with others through his daily work and prayer. Whether I am attending finance meetings, working with the maintenance team, or singing with the church choir (and tonight, at the 5:00PM Vigil Mass, I did just that!), I hope that the people of St. Benedict parish and I all grow closer to the Lord together! St. Benedict, pray for us that we may unite ourselves to Christ as you have! AMEN!

Friday, May 22, 2009

2009-05-22T21:30:00.002-07:00

"Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.”

Today I had the privilege of praying the Rite of Committal - in layman's terms, these are the prayers said before a Catholic burial. The Rite concludes with this ancient prayer, followed by an intercessory prayer asking God's blessing upon those gathered to mourn the dead as well as the soul of the dearly departed loved one.

When Fr. Beaven, the pastor of St. Benedict's, asked me to go to the cemetery and "preside" over this particular ritual, I was, to say the least, slightly nerve-racked. Not being a priest myself (well, not yet, anyway), I felt uneasy leading any sort of ceremony that even slightly resembled a mass; I don't have the power to give blessings, I tend to get "stage fright" in front of people I don't know, and I had absolutely no desire to spend 1 hour+ in a car ride with a funeral director as he dropped me off at the cemetary grounds in Westchester, IL to commence the ceremony.

As much as I was dreading the impending experience, I also felt very blessed myself knowing that the pastor wanted me to do this - as egotistical as that sounds, I knew that my first "Rite of Committal" was bound to be an unforgettable experience. It's certainly not something that happens everyday, that's for sure. People crave new experiences; even with the dread that was at times threatening to overwhelm me, the anticipation brought about a certain positive tension in its own right. The strange concoction of conflict and confidence forced me into a precarious position; I wasn't sure exactly how I was feeling, and this left with one course of action: prayer.

I made sure not only to pray for myself, but also for the bereaved family and their loved one. Catholics believe in a little place called purgatory; a funeral is an opportunity not only to remember the earthly life of a loved one, but also a special chance to pray for their soul to be welcomed into the arms of our loving heavenly Father. The prayers of the Rite of Committal reminded me that my role as a minister was to unite the prayers of all present at the ceremony with the communion of saints – to allow us all to act as instruments of God’s grace to unite both their dearly departed loved one AND themselves to God. Is this not, after all, the ultimate end of our existence? The physical world is full of finite things, but our God is infinite. If we are to live with God eternally, won’t we eventually have to leave the material confines of earthly existence at some point?

It makes perfect sense to me now that the church considers “burying the dead” to be a corporal work of mercy. It is a special, grace-filled moment that serves to unite us with the father in a way that logical explanations cannot hope to accomplish. I’m very blessed to have prayed with this family today, and I hope that other opportunities to pray and cooperate with God arise again during my summer apostolate.

I also had the opportunity of reacquainting myself with a certain Fr. Terry Deffenbaugh, an Augustinian priest whose youth retreats are renowned throughout the country. Having experienced Fr. Terry’s retreats when I was in eighth grade myself, I was all to pleased to see that he was scheduled to do the retreat for St. Benedict’s eighth grade class of 2009 TODAY! While this particular retreat lacked a specific focus on catechesis or spiritual growth, it did a fine job at promoting reconciliation for a group of kids that had been in school together for years; I hope they remember Fr. Terry for both his flaws and his virtues as they begin their high school careers. For my part, I’m just glad that I got to see this remarkable priest once again; the fact that he managed to sell me his latest book, “No Longer a Stray,” is just an added bonus.

Mary, Mother of the Church, I beg your intercession as I end this day. Together with all the Saints in heaven, plead for me that your Son may grant me the grace needed for discernment as I continue my summer apostolate. May my soul, and the souls of the faithfully departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. AMEN.